First, download Julie Brown’s new re-write of “Homecoming Queen’s Got a Gun” in honor of Sarah: “Ex-Beauty Queen’s Got a Gun“
”Every time Palin speaks in a run-on sentence, get yourself for into the position of being to drink a sip of beer and therefore on the chair on which you sit turn around and face your neighbor but you will not have had enough into which to vomit and that’s good because you will be feeling in a way that is comparable to ways in which you have drunk before, at home, where they teach good drinking values.”
Or, incorporate a few of our ideas:
-One sip for every mention of “my family” and two sips for “small-town values”
-One sip and a slap across your own face every time she says “You betcha” instead of “Yes”
-Two sips if she tries to make light of her recent blunders on national television.
-Three sips if she comes out wearing anything besides a high-collared skirt suit and her hair in a french twist.
-One shot for every mention of Trig or “my special needs child”
-Two shots for any mention of Russia in her backyard, see it from her house, etc.
-Three shots if Biden invokes any famous lines of VP debates past; we’re hoping for something along the lines of, “I know Hillary Clinton. I’m friends with Hillary Clinton. Ma’am, you’re no Hillary Clinton.”
-Four shots if she utters anything regarding the “gayees” or her good, dear “gayee” friend, this lez she keeps talking about back in Wasilla. (We feel for you, girl. Life’s got to be lonely up there.)
Another option is to download these four cards for Palin Bingo, and cross off the phrases as she speaks them. Phrases include “maritime border,” “special needs,” “Gosh” and “God.” First one to create a line across five boxes wins. We’re not sure how drinking enters into this equation, but we’re confident you’ll figure it out.
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
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