PATGLAADAILF (People at the GLAAD awards I’d like to fuck):
Josh Hutcherson, The Hungry Games
Josh Hutchingson won a GLAAD for being gay friendly even though he’s not gay in real life. But, how can someone who isn’t gay still be supportive of gay people!? Don’t ask me. That’s why Josh has a GLAAD award and you don’t. That fist needs to be in my asshole, ASAP!
Zachary Quinto and Jesse Tyler Fergie, actors
These two hotties played the boyfriends who Jessica Lang killed on America’s Horror Story, and unlike J-Hutch, they are gay in real life! Fuck yes! I want to see them go ass-to-ass with my entire body, wherein my head is shoved up Jesse Ty Fergie’s ass and both of my feet are shoved up Zachary Quinto’s ass. They won the GLAAD for “Hottest Fag Couple.”
Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach, gay soldier
Thanks to the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” openly gay colonels like Victor can serve proudly in any branch of the military industrial complex that they want, giving them the freedom to kill any number of innocent people in any one of the endless, illegal, and unnecessary wars all around the world! Colonel Victor can blow my brains out with his fat Marine Corps cock any time!
Perez Hilton, blogger/Lean Pockets
It’s hard not to be jealous of Perez Hilton. Not only does he write the most widely read blog on the web, he’s also a total hunk. Perez: 2, The Sword: 0 :(( But, that doesn’t mean I can’t still fantasize about fucking him. Perez, take the cascading rolls of excess skin that are hanging around your waist (FUPA), twist them all together into the shape of a massive dick, slap me across the face with it until I am unconscious, and then rape my ass with your gargantuan skin-braid penis until I bleed to death.
Chaz Bono, Dancing With The Stars
One telltale sign of being “comfortable” in your own skin is being morbidly obese, so it’s clear that Chaz “Chastity” Bono is happier than ever! An out and proud gay man, Chaz is the son of multi-millionaire Cher. It’s a good thing Chaz didn’t have to grow up poor, otherwise he’d never have found the courage to be so strong and to finally “become” Chaz! Chaz, sit on my face and cut off the blood supply to my brain so that I can die again.