People At The GLAAD Awards I’d Like To Fuck, Presented by Ketel One & Wells Fargo

PATGLAADAILF (People at the GLAAD awards I’d like to fuck):

Josh Hutcherson, The Hungry Games
Josh Hutchingson won a GLAAD for being gay friendly even though he’s not gay in real life. But, how can someone who isn’t gay still be supportive of gay people!? Don’t ask me. That’s why Josh has a GLAAD award and you don’t. That fist needs to be in my asshole, ASAP!

Zachary Quinto and Jesse Tyler Fergie, actors
These two hotties played the boyfriends who Jessica Lang killed on America’s Horror Story, and unlike J-Hutch, they are gay in real life! Fuck yes! I want to see them go ass-to-ass with my entire body, wherein my head is shoved up Jesse Ty Fergie’s ass and both of my feet are shoved up Zachary Quinto’s ass. They won the GLAAD for “Hottest Fag Couple.”

Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach, gay soldier
Thanks to the repeal of “don’t ask, don’t tell,” openly gay colonels like Victor can serve proudly in any branch of the military industrial complex that they want, giving them the freedom to kill any number of innocent people in any one of the endless, illegal, and unnecessary wars all around the world! Colonel Victor can blow my brains out with his fat Marine Corps cock any time!

Perez Hilton, blogger/Lean Pockets
It’s hard not to be jealous of Perez Hilton. Not only does he write the most widely read blog on the web, he’s also a total hunk. Perez: 2, The Sword: 0 :((  But, that doesn’t mean I can’t still fantasize about fucking him. Perez, take the cascading rolls of excess skin that are hanging around your waist (FUPA), twist them all together into the shape of a massive dick, slap me across the face with it until I am unconscious, and then rape my ass with your gargantuan skin-braid penis until I bleed to death.

Howard Stern, radio disc jockey
Uhh, no.

Chaz Bono, Dancing With The Stars
One telltale sign of being “comfortable” in your own skin is being morbidly obese, so it’s clear that Chaz “Chastity” Bono is happier than ever! An out and proud gay man, Chaz is the son of multi-millionaire Cher. It’s a good thing Chaz didn’t have to grow up poor, otherwise he’d never have found the courage to be so strong and to finally “become” Chaz! Chaz, sit on my face and cut off the blood supply to my brain so that I can die again.


19 thoughts on “People At The GLAAD Awards I’d Like To Fuck, Presented by Ketel One & Wells Fargo”

    1. 1. Wow! I didn’t know he was that short! No wonder Jennifer Lawrence overshadowed him in their scenes together (girl’s an Amazon).

      2. Uh, he’s not gay… right? He had two gay uncles that died of AIDS and he was in that movie where he played the son of a lesbian couple, but he’s not gay AFAIK.

      I like him; he’s got a good head on his shoulders. I mean, he’s not flashing his butt cheeks for the paparazzi or (surreptitiously) dropping XXL condoms on red carpets like some young Hollywood actors I know…

  1. The photo above labeled “Howard Stern” is not actually Howard Stern. BTW, lest anyone think he’s not, Stern is very pro-gay rights. He’s also spoken many times about his gay cousin.

  2. that’s Jesse Tyler Ferguson’s boy toy boyfriend Justin Mikita posing with him in the photo, not Zachary Quinto. Eric Stonestreet from ‘Modern Family’ had a one-episode cameo last season on ‘American Horror Story’, not Jesse … Zachary Quinto was paired with Teddy Sears as the gay couple on ‘American Horror Story’

  3. One of the Chris

    I bet you guys think he’s sincere when he says he wants to fuck ’em too. (Or maybe I’m just missing the second layer of irony here.)

  4. This article is one of 2 things:

    1. Attempt at humor which isn’t funny at all.
    2. You’ve just given up and completely suck at your job.

  5. Of course, the face of DADT is again portrayed by a white man, when statistically the group affected by the statute the most was women. (14% of the military, total. 34% of discharges under DADT. The percentages went up for women of color.) DADT was used as a billy club for ‘little ladies’ who wouldn’t go along to get along with the old boys network.

    1. Uh, where does it say that Fehrenbach is “the face of DADT”?! He just has an interesting backstory…

      And this a fuckin’ list of people Zach supposedly wants to fuck (yes, we get that it’s a joke, but all the same…) – did you expect to see a woman on it?! (Chaz Bono, notwithstanding.) There very well could’ve been a DADT-posterwoman/babe present at the GLAAD awards, but this blog would be the wrong place to look for her…

  6. You got another one wrong, too. That’s definitely not Lt. Col. Victor Fehrenbach. It’s actually Gavin McLeod, aka Captain Stubing from The Love Boat.

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