When we saw Bruce Vilanch trolling the Rentboy Pool Party on Saturday, we got to recessionary thinking: Would it be more economical for the escort-hounding comedian to become a gay porn star himself? Some talent you’re born with, but there’s a lot you can fix with paint and a surgeon.
Turns out that building the perfect beast is cheaper than a Mercedes SLR and will get you laid twice as often. Not only will you save money on overnights with Barrett Long, you could pick up a little extra on the side, er, modelling.
(François’s famous head tattoo is extra and charming Parisian accent are separate, of course.)
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I suspect that Bruce would turn out more like Joan Rivers than Francois Sagat. Also, your estimate for liposuction in this case is way off: I’m thinking that you should count on an extra hundred thou, easily.