PGA Golfer Provides Gay Pride by Passing Out at Hooters

John Daly, a jovial PGA golfer who is fat, slobby and proud of it, was arrested late on Sunday night when he passed out in a drunken stupor at a North Carolina Hooters. This incident is par for the 42-year-old’s alcoholic course. A former PGA Rookie of the Year, Daly once claimed that he drank a fifth of Jack Daniels every day when he was 23. His illustrious life story includes three divorces, multiple stints in rehab, and a forced evacuation from a British Airways airplane after drunkenly harassing a flight attendent. He once stated, “I believe nicotine plus caffeine equals protein.”

Daly, we salute you, you pasty man-bear — not least because you clearly share Suze Orman’s hairdresser. Now excuse us while we change our Adam4Adam profile from “straight-acting masc jock” to “pretty much a flaming faggot.”