For reference, see our ’08 winners here.
CLICK TO ENLARGE
Our first contestant is “fifty years young,” hails from sunny San Diego, and what a lovely ass he has on him. This Valentine’s Day he’s hoping the flakes and pic collectors will please stop dicking him around and follow some simple, all-caps instructions.
IF YOU CAN’T FOLLOW WHAT IS WRITTEN IN THE LAST TWO PARAGRAPHS PLEASE MOVE ON AND NOT WASTE YOURS OR MY TIME… I WILL JUST DELETE YOUR REPLY…
Happy Valentine’s Day
Our second new friend, god love him, is a c-list hooker in the Big Apple. He’s hoping some lonely, generou$$ dudes want to give themselves a Valentine’s present, namely HIM, all wrapped up and with “a beautiful penis.” We’re especially fond of the marketing copy on this one: “for some quality companionshipon valentine’s day, you should look no further, i am your choice on the internet, in the streets and in your home and heart.”
Our third sure winner has got… wait for it…. Bill Cosby tickets at the Paramount Theater in Oakland tonight! Yes, this dapper Dan is going to reward his craigslist Valentine with a “comedy” show by a babbling, semi-delusional, classist old man who delivered a severely uncomfortable 5-minute set on The Tonight Show the other night. Sign us up! (Note his forehead hit the keyboard while spelling the word “tonight” in the headline.)
Hey everyone! It’s back to Forest Hills, New York for our 4th runner-up, who’s hosting a Valentine’s Day orgy! “Had fifty guys here last time,” he brags, and he’s going to be a strict gatekeeper with the pics and stats. But how much you want to bet HE’s the older, Jake Cruise-esque character pictured with that tweaker twink’s ball in his mouth?
Our fifth contender for the prize is an “adorkable, funny, vegan queer hailing from the Pacific Northwest” (we’re guessing Portland) and he’s in San Francisco for the big VD–which also happens to be, wah wah, his birthday. Boy, he sure can talk! And he can’t stop saying “adorkable” and censoring the word “fu**ing” (what site does he think he’s on?). He doesn’t offer us a pic (except for this anime character with an arrow through his bloody heart), but he sure doesn’t come up short in self-descriptors! Note the playlist. We wish him the best of luck finding the perfect vegan dinner date, and expect to find him blind drunk and taking non-vegan loads in the back room of the Powerhouse around 1 a.m.
Honorable mention goes out to this guy, also in SF, who decides Valentine’s Day is as good an opportunity as any to post a rant–nay, “wishlist”–concerning all the assholes and fatty pic collectors on M4M who don’t play by the rules and aren’t realistic in selling themselves.
“I wish that the guys who call themselves ‘VGL’ or ‘good-looking’ would get real with themselves and realize that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Truly good-looking guys aren’t sitting on Craigslist 24 hours a day, posting endless ads to get laid.”
Happy Valentine’s Day, indeed.
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