“But I didn’t even do anything this year.” He sighs, pencils in the photo shoot. This year’s theme (double yawn): Old Hollywood.
In case you don’t read the other gay blogs (we try not to), or you haven’t passed a gay ghetto newsstand, you may not have heard that the OUT 100 was “leaked” yesterday. They’re calling it their “unashamedly subjective list of the gay men and women who moved culture — ours and the culture at large — over the past year.” Rachel Maddow is the big lez covergirl, and the usual suspects are all there (George Takai, Luke McFarlane, poor Sir Ian) and suffice it to say it bores us more than life. We decided to make our own (also extremely biased) list this year as an alternative to the stale old tarts you might find on the other list. Our criteria was a little bit different however, we decided to focus only on the gay men (and one woman) who moved The Sword. It’s so much more interesting to us that way! Below are some random selections from our far superior list.
#31 - Tamechi, a.k.a The Country Tranny
#14 - Erik Rhodes
He says “fuck” a lot, he’s essentially addicted to GHB, he cavorts regularly with the rich and famous and when he finds a bag of coke on the sidewalk, he knows that it’s because God is his homeboy. But after all is said and done, Erik is most simply and purely our favorite actor and our hulking hero. He gives depressive druggy porn stars everywhere a good name. For that, the world owes him a tremendous debt.
Watch him say “fuck” a lot and do some fucking in Afterparty on Nakedsword.
#63 - Big Willy Style
#28 - Hedda Lettuce
Fresh off her revolutionary Project Runway appearance earlier this season (after which her name became a repeated punchline as an alternative phrasing of “total bitch”), Hedda Lettuce is huger than ever! She may not have won the presidency, but she still knows how to teach us a lesson about personal hygiene. She’s like the tranny Omarosa and Martha Stewart! She’s kind of also our own personal Hillary, which is important to point out because it will make Hedda completely livid.
#2 - Onch
Paris Hilton didn’t want to be your BFF. We think that is so like, unfair and embarrassing for you. Seriously! But when we said we’d take you as our BFF instead, we meant it. So basically stay forever young, call us anytime, beware of fake bitches, and don’t be a slut. TTY LATER!
#44 - Lindsay Lohan
Much like her dad (#37), Lindsay brings grace and style to everything she does. You can just imagine how excited we were, then, when she decided to pretend to be a lesbian this year. Sure, her career is in the toilet. Okay, so she looks a little bit tired. Yeah, we know she can be bossy. But basically, girls who pretend to be lesbians in order to be popular, just like in high school, are always our favorite ones. It’s probably because we all know that she still needs the dick, and because real lesbians are totally against science (which makes them aliens).
#90 - Miss Jay
#25 – Tie: Zac Efron/Chace Crawford
#19 – John Roberts
#37 – RJ Danvers
Watch him in Hotter Than Hell on NakedSword.
#8 – La Pequeña
Top 10 Celebs Who Should Come Out of the Closet
Chace Crawford Texts Carrie Underwood From JC Chasez’s Crotch: “Srry, It’s Over :(”
Logan McCree On His Wurst Sexual Experience
Manhunt’s Favorite Newsgay, Thomas Roberts, and All the Newsgays That’re Fit to Print
LISTEN UP, FAGGOT! Lindsay L[esb]ohan is a Little Bossy
A source has leaked details to The Sword about a new fucky fucky extension that will not be beholden to any of Apple's pearl-clutching restrictions.
I don't take sex seriously enough to commit to a Master/slave dynamic, so instead I'll just read this new blog written by a 39-year-old British sub slut named Fang.
1. You know it's a leather orgy when everyone takes a moment between foreplay and fucking so they can put their clothes back on.
When I discovered that a friend of mine trims his chest hair, I told him to think of the children in Africa who have no chest hair to shave in the first place. Now I've found a fur-obsessed Photoshopper who is helming the good fight against body shavers everywhere.
The hypothesis: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo. The conclusion: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo.