Yes. Ban them. Ban all gay men from entering straight bars. Gay men are screechy and annoying and so fucking gay. Straight men go to straight bars to get pussy and watch “the game,” not to have to listen to a bunch of shrieking faggots. And, as everyone knows, gay men only go to straight bars to try and convert straight men into the homosexual lifestyle anyway, so, ban them. Ban gay men.
Now, in the spirit of equality, the same sort of rules and bans should be applied to gay men when they go to places where straight people are. Gay men should be subject to the same criticism and discrimination if they really want to be treated “equally,” right? Right.
Anyway, back to the new proposal. Queerty’s “Should Gay Bars Ban Bachelorette Parties?” is spot on!
But there’s one situation that I think really needs to be called out: the bachelorette party. For more than a decade, cabals of tipsy straight girls have been barging into queer bars wearing all manner of embarrassing accessories. They hoot and holler, order ridiculous shots and basically drag the spotlight onto the bride-to-be.
We’ll con-fucking-gratulations, missy—you’re getting married! Your friends, family, community and country are standing behind you as you make a lifelong commitment to the man you love.
Wish I knew what that felt like.
Acting irritating in a bar is one thing, but literally rubbing our faces in your wedding when we can’t have our relationships recognized is kind of disgusting.
Kind of disgusting? How about totally disgusting. These women are emotional terrorists, coming into gay bars under the guise of being “gay friendly,” only to turn around and then get straight married. Whores. But just as gay men should never have to be exposed to anything that they don’t like, straight people shouldn’t have to be exposed to anything that they might not like either. Seeing openly gay men hold hands, kiss, and act “gay” is guaranteed to annoy at least one person in a straight bar, so a ban on gay men in straight bars is only fair. Keep everybody separate, just to be safe.
All gay men want is to be treated like everybody else, to have the same things that straight people have (weddings), and to be accepted by straight people. But until gay men are fully accepted and heteronormatized, straight women who try to hang out with them and come into their bars and have a good time and pour thousands upon thousands of dollars into their businesses must be stopped. And while some might argue that many of the advancements in gay civil rights are due in large part to straight allies—many of whom are married women—it’s still important to keep straight and gay people separate so that no one ever feels uncomfortable about anything ever. At the end of the day, straight people—especially straight women—simply don’t understand how to behave in a gay environment. They just don’t get it.
Gay bars like Rage and Mine Shaft and The End Up and The Hole and Ramrod and Chaps and Jackhammer and Hamburger Mary’s and The Swallow and The Stud and The Cock are elegant places known for their peaceful and dignified gatherings, and these women are barging in and ruining everything. Sorry, ladies, but gay bars are for gay men. Gay men with dignity.