Someone Slipped A “Date Rape” Drug Into My Drink And I Just Woke Up At The IML Hotel In Chicago

Help.

I was supposed to go home Monday morning, but here it is Tuesday night and I just woke up in the janitor’s closet at the Hyatt Hotel in Chicago, having been sexually assaulted and robbed. My keys, camera, ID, and wallet are all missing, and now I don’t know how I’m going to get home. My shoes and underwear are missing, and I’m sore “down there,” if you catch my drift :((

The last thing I remember is attending an International Mr. Leather party on Sunday night, where I’m pretty sure someone roofied my drink. All I have left as evidence of the night are these pictures below (via my iPhone–thank God they didn’t take my iPhone).

Is my date rapist one of the guys (or girls?) in these pics?

If you think any of these people might have roofied me (and if any of you know anyone at Virgin America who can get me on a flight back to San Francisco without any money or any ID), text me.

#help

Should I just wait in Chicago until next year’s IML/Grabbys and not try to fly home? Is there anyone who lives in Chicago who I could live with for a year? (I could just blog remotely and still keep my job). Doesn’t Riley Price live here in Chicago? Should I move in with Riley Price?

Who roofied me on Sunday night?

Somebody roofied my drink in the Crystal Ballroom and the last thing I remember is seeing these DJs with face masks like “The Gimp” wore in Pulp Fiction. All I wanted to do was listen to their music. And all I wanted to do was spend my last night in Chicago taking pictures of some hot leather daddies. I’m just a blogger and a fan of leather daddies. Why would anyone want to slip a roofie in my drink and ruin my weekend?

All I wanted to do was go to Chicago and not make a fool of myself for once in my life, but instead I got kicked out of all the parties and then I went and got myself raped. Ugh.

 
 

28 thoughts on “Someone Slipped A “Date Rape” Drug Into My Drink And I Just Woke Up At The IML Hotel In Chicago”

  1. This is perhaps your best story arc yet, Zach. A lovely amalgamation of porn star destructorants. Well done.

  2. With the way you talk shit about stars and studios be thankful drugged was all that was done. Personally I know a long list of folks that wouldn’t mind if you were still locked in the closet.

  3. WOW, you queens are bitchy. I actually heard the hotel fought to keep IML there. The alcohol sells alone make up for cleaning “bloody & shitty sheets”. And I’m not sure if you guys know this but gay guest are some of the nicest guest to have in the service industry.

  4. “Doesn’t Riley Price live here in Chicago? Should I move in with Riley Price?”

    It would never work Zach, he owns a cat and we know how you feel about pussy. LOL!

  5. I can just imagine how bad it stunk in that entire hotel. And the poor maids who had to clean those rooms..I wonder how many sets of sheets were ruined that weekend. Years ago IML got booted from the Congress Hotel for the mess the people made. The maids refused to clean bloody & shitty sheets.

  6. It’s funny looking at all those pics. If you had told me they were all nominated this year, I would have bought that story, too.

  7. “Cool story, bro!”

    .. you have geotagged tweets in San Francisco starting at 3:27pm on Sunday.

    Learn to throw your voice, fool your friends, dinner party! Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

  8. Christopher Daniels

    You’re like the 6th person I know who was “drugged” this wknd. I kept leaving my drink unattended but all I got was a cigarette butt left in my vodka/redbull.

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