Seriously, gays. We don’t want to sound like an angry faggot, and we know the metros and heteros are wearing them now, but the lady jean thing has got to stop. We hated this trend from the get, and at this point we LOATHE it. Even Brody Jenner–who’s so metro he likes to shower and go hot-tubbing with his bros–made fun of overly detailed, moose-knuckle-inducing, three-hundred-dollar, girly goddamn jeans.
We like Levi’s. Diesels are usually OK. Ditto for G-Star and Lucky’s are acceptable. But if you prance out of the house on a regular basis in a pair of True Religions like the ones pictured–or something more atrocious like those pictured below–you need to fucking stop. You aren’t doing yourself any favors. Even if you’re a fey and faggoty power bottom whose greatest goal in life is to be a housewife and suck your man’s dick every night when he gets home from work while he sips a martini, you’d be better off going to the clubs in a gingham dress than you are being out in public with your ass cheeks looking like some Western granny’s handmade throw-pillow. To quote our favorite Elder Stateswoman of Supermodeldom, Janice Dickinson, “Grow a dick, Mary.”
A source has leaked details to The Sword about a new fucky fucky extension that will not be beholden to any of Apple's pearl-clutching restrictions.
I don't take sex seriously enough to commit to a Master/slave dynamic, so instead I'll just read this new blog written by a 39-year-old British sub slut named Fang.
1. You know it's a leather orgy when everyone takes a moment between foreplay and fucking so they can put their clothes back on.
When I discovered that a friend of mine trims his chest hair, I told him to think of the children in Africa who have no chest hair to shave in the first place. Now I've found a fur-obsessed Photoshopper who is helming the good fight against body shavers everywhere.
The hypothesis: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo. The conclusion: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo.