1. Fit Bodies Don’t Come From the Gym
They come from swimming. And cycling.
And hiking. And climbing. While American gays lock themselves on Nazi treadmills
and attempt to activate multiple muscle groups with super-sets and tips from
Men’s Health, Australians prefer getting their bodies the old fashioned way:
earning it through exercise. They are fags, of course, so it’s not like they’ve
entirely abandoned the gym, but the end result is beefcake that feels more
honest and less, uh, sculpted.
2. Ginger is Hot
American fags tend to
treat the fair and fiery as well, red-headed stepchildren, but Down Under, their
practically royalty-and we’re not even talking about Prince Harry. Red,
orange or strawberry blonde, Australia’s the red-head homeland. Wait-actually
that’s Ireland, but it doesn’t really count because it’s cold and gays don’t
really go there.
3. School Uniforms are Hotter
American fags try to
adopt a similar stylistic pose-cardigans and vests, a splash of argyle,
skinny club ties-but nothing beats the inspiration that comes from packs of
rowdy youth, simulateously starched and disheveled. Not that we’re out to fuck
the kids (well, not entirely-see #4), but they serve the same purpose that a
13-year-old waif runway model serves for the dowager who buys the clothes-something to which she can aspire.
4. The Age of Consent is 16
may seem like we’re advocating youth sex tours to Oz, and honestly, aside from
Zac Efron we don’t even really GET twinks, but the idea that you can ogle a
high-school junior and not be called a pervert, or fear that you’re going to get
arrested when he lets you blow him in the bushes, certainly gets the blood
5. Parades are Better at Night
Whose idea was it to start a
Pride Parade at the crack of dawn? While great for tweakers and PFLAG moms,
early morning parades means that most fags sleep through them, or that they
start drinking at breakfast. Sydney’s gay Mardi Gras parade doesn’t start until
it gets dark, leaving you time to snore off the previous nights hangover, maybe hit
the gym and even grab an afternoon snooze. And, of course, the lighting’s better.
A source has leaked details to The Sword about a new fucky fucky extension that will not be beholden to any of Apple's pearl-clutching restrictions.
I don't take sex seriously enough to commit to a Master/slave dynamic, so instead I'll just read this new blog written by a 39-year-old British sub slut named Fang.
1. You know it's a leather orgy when everyone takes a moment between foreplay and fucking so they can put their clothes back on.
When I discovered that a friend of mine trims his chest hair, I told him to think of the children in Africa who have no chest hair to shave in the first place. Now I've found a fur-obsessed Photoshopper who is helming the good fight against body shavers everywhere.
The hypothesis: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo. The conclusion: you can put a shitload of condoms on a dildo.