You can choose to hang out alone in a bathroom stall all night, licking your bag clean, but it’d be a lot more fun if you shared your stash with someone else.

Outsports published Team San Francisco’s press release today, which demands a monopoly on gay sporting events and calls for the end of all gay tournaments outside of the Gay Games. The reason? “Resources are being stretched thin.”

Well, using the coke metaphor again, sure, your “resources” might disappear faster if you share, but at least you’ll be more likely to get laid. The most inane passage in their press release asserts:

The Gay Games have changed thousands of lives across the globe every year they are held and are the best means we have available to come together in arts and athletics. The World Outgames gravely diminish that potential.

Please. Your organization is not about “changing lives.” It is about having sex with guys who have good bodies. Why else would you join a sports league organized around sexual orientation?

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Team San Francisco Attacks the Outgames (Outsports)