When Gayle leaves to pick up lunch from a nearby Italian joint, I mention that I visited Mike Jones in Denver. Ted tenses and preemptively begins debunking Jones’s claims again—no sex, no repeat massages, no kinky stuff. He admits that he bought drugs from Jones “five or six times” but maintains that he wasn’t an addict.
“Sometimes I’d throw it away,” he says. “Other times, I’d go someplace and masturbate and use it. But it was for masturbation. And that’s one of the reasons why I haven’t been real clear. I don’t want to stand up publicly and say, ‘Hey, I’m a masturbation guy!’
“You know, that’s really the core issue here,” he continues, lowering his voice. “I bought the drugs to enhance masturbation. Because what crystal meth does—Mike taught me this—crystal meth makes it so you don’t ejaculate soon. So you can watch porn and masturbate for a long time.”
“And it would be gay porn?” I ask.
“It would be both. I enjoyed both then.”
“Do you watch porn anymore?”
“Now we’re getting into what should happen between me, my wife, and my therapist.”
For the first time since we’ve met, Ted isn’t looking directly at me. “Here’s where I really am on this issue,” he half whispers. “I think that probably, if I were 21 in this society, I would identify myself as a bisexual.” After a weekend of Ted trying to convince me of his unambiguous devotion to his wife and kids, I’m at first too surprised to say anything.
“So why not now?” I ask finally.
“Because, Kevin, I’m 54, with children, with a belief system, and I can have enforced boundaries in my life. Just like you’re a heterosexual but you don’t have sex with every woman that you’re attracted to, so I can be who I am and exclusively have sex with my wife and be perfectly satisfied.”
“But what does it have to do with being 54?”
“Life!” he says. “We live an ordinary life.”
Ordinary life! Ordinary life, where you deliberately and repeatedly thrust yourself, your wife, and your children into the public eye by reminding us, every day, in print and on a new reality show, that you masturbated to gay porn with a gay hooker while on crystal meth.