The Best Of 2010, According To ‘The Advocate’

 

Let’s look at The Advocate’s list of the best things that happened this year, together.

I’m bouncing around a bit, and probably going to leave some things off. Sorry. Who has the time?

(Here’s the full list, if you’re interested.)

 

 

 

Lady Gaga. “Criticize her meat dress as tasteless if you will, but there’s no denying this Lady is a champ.”

That’s a pun, I think (“champ” is substituted for “tramp”). OK. What else?

“But we most love Gaga for having our back, for actively railing against injustice of all kinds—witness her impromptu appearance in Maine in September to speak out against “don’t ask, don’t tell.”

Right. Because everything Lady Gaga does is “impromptu.”

DOMA declared unconstitutional; Olson and Boies take on Prop. 8; Marriage equality comes to D.C.; Marriage equality in Portugal, Iceland, and Argentina. Those are four, separate “best of” items on four, separate pages, but they’re all about the same thing, right? I’d accuse The Advocate of wasting paper, but since they were downsized to a pamphlet inside of Out earlier this year, I guess they’re doing enough for the environment already.

Celebrities Come Out. Meredith Baxter is a late-in-life lez, Michael Urie “identifies as queer” (oh lord), Will & Grace’s Sean Hayes and Ricky Martin (no comment), Anna Paquin is bi, but she just married a man, and a few others I’ve never heard of. Good for all of them.

Political Wives Support Equality. “[T]he wives of U.S. senator John McCain and former president George W. Bush didn’t capture a large gay following. But when Mrs. McCain and Mrs. Bush declared themselves proud proponents of marriage equality this year, gays found a reason to be enamored.”

This could either go in with the Lady Gaga item as it celebrates famous people and the gays who love them, or it could go in the marriage equality category. Or, I could stop giving a list that includes the sentence “but when Mrs. McCain and Mrs. Bush declared themselves proud proponents of marriage equality this year, gays found a reason to be enamored” attention.

Videos Get The Gay Makeover. Let’s bust out the blockquote for this one.

AIDS/LifeCycle riders re-created Katy Perry’s “California Gurls”, fit guys in tiny shorts created a super-synchronized dance ode to Perry’s “Peacock” (with an actual peacock), and U.S. soldiers in Afghanistan made their own elaborately staged version of Lady Gaga’s “Telephone.” The music video remake trend was in full force this year, whether by gays or in tribute to emerging gay icons. The production values have gone up significantly since the first crop of “Single Ladies” remakes in messy bedrooms, so would-be Cecil B. DeMilles take note: You better bring it.

No.

An Editor Strips For Scholarship. I like this one. Remember Zack Rosen? He showed his cock and won something and went somewhere. That he’s remembered (at least by me) solely for his penis and not for what he did probably means something. But like I said before, nice dick.

GetEqual Confronts The White House.”[T]he viral protest group has shut down Las Vegas Boulevard, disrupted congressional committee meetings, and heckled President Barack Obama at Democratic fund-raisers. Effective advocacy or counterproductive, thorn-in-the-side shenanigans? History will be the judge.”

Why “history” and not The Advocate? The magazine founded to advance gay rights can’t take a position–they aren’t allowed to advocate–on a group that says it’s commited to advancing gay rights? The hell?

Slobbering over gay-friendly and/or gay celebrities, applauding the wives of old, homophobic men, in part because of the novelty of their alleged viewpoints (they disagree with their husbands!), and celebrating mundane YouTube videos and countries that 99% of us will never set foot in? The Best. Questioning the reputation of a protest group whose goals are aligned with the subtext of the majority of the stories subjectively covered in your magazine? Spineless.

America Goes Gleek. “Kurt reportedly will get a boyfriend this season. And maybe audiences will finally meet teenage diva Rachel’s (Lea Michele) two gay dads. All this and show tunes too!”

The End.