Effects: Wide awakeness! The desire to be a thirty-six hour cum dumpster; euphoria and wildly obsessive behavior, including cleaning, collecting things, assembling things, de-assembling things, making disturbing Youtube videos and a passion for unprotected sex acts. The lack of sleep can potentially begin to interfere with one’s health and ability to get by in civilian society.

Native Habitat: under-furnished apartments with Costco-sized pumps of lube; Manhunt.net; The White Party; RVs in the Inland Empire; exploded shacks.

Identifying Features: bad skin; dry mouth; speed-talking; sweaty, gaunt faces; very clean hands; five-page emails; Wal*Mart name tags.

Spectrum of Users: sex-hungry man-pigs; urban professionals who need a weekend alternative to the Blackberry; men you meet on Manhunt; teenagers in exurbs.

Pros: You will no longer be angry when your trick turns out to be a limp-dicked tweaker; your eyebrows will never be unplucked.

Cons: Drano and STDs in your bloodstream, hidden cameras in your ceiling fan, imaginary spiders in your skin, false teeth in your mouth, kidney stones in your urinary track.

Famous Adherents: Heidi Fleiss, Rufus Wainwright, Erik Rhodes, Adolf Hitler

Addiction Potential: For something that encourages you to iron, amazingly high: 5 out of 5.

Fun Fact: In Thailand, the street name for meth is “yaa baa.” (It’s what gives their Red Bull wings.)

 

 

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