But in the spirit of the Sword 100, which barely touched on the many people who made 2008 so extra-special for us–and in the spirit of every other year-end listicle in every other mag, zine and blog-roll–we bring you this Year in Review ecompassing all the people, things, events and phenomena which we hope will inspire not only a few tears of recognition, but perhaps a few dribbles of pre-cum in your pants as well.
Most Creative Chilean Midget Drag Queen
Back when she first showed up as our half-time entertainment during the GayVNs, we could not have known what joy and wonder this little lady would bring us during this year of years. We can only guess what the outcome of our historic election would have been without this vocal South American’s satiric YouTube impersonations of Hillary Clinton and Sarah Palin. And whatever the fate of the real-life Amy Winehouse, she can live/die knowing she has a tiny but loyal fan in Santiago who’s got her back. We await the inevitable (and inevitably offensive) Michelle Obama impression, TBA.
Prissiest Trend in Gay Marketing
Anal Deodorants
We’re not sure which is worse: going to a (non-scat) sex date with a dirty butt, or going to a sex date having masked your dirty butt odors with a product you spent hard-earned recession dollars on. This year saw the schilling of Man Junk and Butt Pirate Deodorant, as well as this shit called Nodoro, all of which are intended to help keep your junk smelling like lilacs and give you one more thing to think about during your pre-sex primping routine. We prefer soap. Steve Cruz prefers the old fashioned, tried-and-true douchebag.
Scariest Trend in Trannydom
We’d never claim to have seen everything when it comes to fetishes, or trannies, but holy shit was our world rocked when we found out about this whole tranny mask deal, wherein both heterosexuals, homosexuals and M2F aspirants purchase elaborate latex masks and body suits that transform them from mere cross-dresser to full-fledged motherfucking horror movie characters–or the answer to your oldest prayers, whichever the case may be.
Most Disturbing Trend in Porn
Though for some a fart may be a kind of gay mating call, we can’t ourselves say that letting one rip in the midst of sex would do anything to help our hardons. Michael Lucas is trying hard to push this new envelope in porndom–and lord knows there’s a market for just about every kink under the sun–but at the risk of offending anyone who enjoys a big bowl of beans before heading to Blow Buddies, we just can’t get behind this one. Sorry pervs.
Party We Most Wish We Could Have Gone To
Living in San Francisco, we occasionally feel pangs of jealousy for the larger-scale and occasionally more unique parties the New York City kids get to go to. And none has had us drooling more than Baña, the bathhouse/cabaret/hootenanny being thrown every six weeks or so at the Wall Street Baths and Spa. Just like the legendary Continental Baths where Bette Midler got her start, everyone cavorts around in swimsuits and towels and performers have included the likes of Justin Bond, Cazwell and Sherry Vine, as well as a host of local bands and trannies. There was never a better reason to feel nostalgic for the 70s than a party where everybody’s drunk, (almost) naked, and there’s live entertainment.
Best Newcomers to the Youtube-osphere
Now that they have a Logo development deal and get their picture taken regularly, drinks in hand, in HX, their status as newcomers may have already passed. But we cannot deny these twinks’ comedic timing and lawl-worthy video editing skills. We love their non-sequitors, their prescient commentaries on current events, and Cole’s impersonation of Bernadette Peters. We wish them all the best as they enter 2009 still young, buzz-worthy and unspoiled by the infectious bitterness of NYC gaydom.
Next Hot Trend In Gay Life
Oh did we say that? Never mind us.
RELATED:
Selections from The Sword 100
Top 10 Cruising Spots of 2008
Talking Dirty With… the VGL Gay Boys