In what is not an article for The Onion, “image guru” Montgomery Frazier commemorates Spirit Day with an actual list of “purple style tips.” While it’s great if wearing a certain color provokes a meaningful discussion about gay rights, there’s a limit to the amount of insane, self-serving bullshit one can tolerate. Today, I’ve reached that limit.
I’m criticized (often rightly so!) for being too cynical. But this is why I’m cynical:
In today’s remembrance of the gay students who were driven to suicide because of the “shockingly lethal harassment” which they received from their tormenters, the “color purple” will commemorate a day of mourning for their untimely and tragic demises. Ladies & Gentlemen, in today’s fashion world and historically speaking, the color purple is a sign of regality, so wear your purple with PRIDE and not with a sense of shame or self-imposed fear. The old rules do not apply in this case!
I, myself, in solidarity, attended a rather conservative discussion group and dinner at The Cornell Club last night with a panel of credible and rather notable financial commentators, authors, analysts and experts from the New York Times, MSNBC, and CNN about Wall Street. They focused on why we, as individual investors, should still care about investing in it (which in itself was a bit hard to digest). I built a stylishly classical ensemble around a beautiful Asprey purple V-neck cashmere sweater, pairing it with a bourdeaux silk Moschino patterned tie and plum (also in the purple family) Sean Jean mini pinstriped shirt. Over that, I wore a lovely, crisp mocha chocolate waxed cotton blazer, by that new lesser priced diffusion line +J, by Jill Sander and slim pants by John Varvatos. So you see, the point is, that one can wear purple and somehow blend into the most ultra-Right Wing establishmentary-ist setting, but still displaying your commemoration.
Is this real life?
Exploiting and co-opting any cause, either for fame or, in this case, while recalling your conservative discussion group and dinner at The Cornell Club last night with a panel of credible and rather notable financial commentators, authors, analysts and experts from the New York Times, MSNBC, and CNN about Wall Street–which, clearly, is exactly the kind of place where so many suicidal gay teens find themselves these days–goes beyond merely undermining the cause. It makes you the cause. This isn’t supposed to be about you, is it?
Here are 9 other ways to wear purple.
While you’re at it, please give me 9 ways to kill myself.
1. Purple alligator wallets,(available at Dunhill, Asprey) are so chic and fashionable now, and exude a tremendous sense of confidence and wealth.
2. Purple shirts in a multitude of pinstripes and shades of purple with crisp white collars, can be found at Tom Ford and by other impeccable menswear designers.
3. Purple luggage by T. Anthony, which looks surprisingly masculine.
4. Purple shirt cuffs.
5. Racier, but none the less wiser, purple trimmed underwear by 2(X)ist
6. The obvious and most conservative of them all are purple pocket squares, or any pocket squares trimmed in purple or in a gamet of purples and patterns
7. Now for the more savvy, fashion conscious bon vivant who has a tremendous sense of flair, purple neck cravats and any neck scarves.
8. Business card cases or passport cases in purple can look oh-so-regal and very VIP.
9. Last, but certainly not least, shoes in mauve to purple hues from Hermes, John Lobb and other such sartorial mens shoe makers.
But the women have it easy in this case and I shall site 10 easy ways for women to wear purple.
How about no.
1. Dresses and gowns (perfect for the fete season)
5. Silky under garments
8. Umbrellas and parasols
9. Shadows of eye makeup and makeup in general
10.Sun glasses and eye glasses of all styles
11.Coats. Come on ladies, this is a no-brainer for you all!
You lied. That’s 11, not 10.
Although the male gender is supposedly the peacock of the human species, purple was definitely made for women! But men can also look just as fetching and not be walking targets of “hate” criminals, which in my book are those people who force the gentile (many times gay individuals) to commit suicide by constant goading and harassment. With death as a tragic and barbaric outcome, haters should not be tolerated in our American society of “Freedom for All”!
Purple: Confident, regal, tragic, masculine, wealthy. Fashionable, racier, savvy, gentile, a no-brainer! Chic, barbaric, and perfect for the fete season. Fete, of course, is French for “suicide pact.” Goodbye.