As of yesterday my money was definitely on someone younger, but according to “sources” who spoke “exclusively” with Entertainment Weekly, Tom Daley’s new boyfriend is Oscar-winning screenwriter Dustin Lance Black. Who is twice his age. Plus one.
The Sun in London may have actually broken the news, with the supposed “friend” telling the paper that Tom is “besotted with Dustin.” *
As I suggested yesterday, knowing that Lance (as his friends actually call him) and Tom were spotted a couple months back at a Coffee Bean in L.A., this would align with a) Lance’s penchant for dating extremely young, twinky guys, and b) Tom’s comment about feeling “safe,” which I’d associate with someone older.
A lot older.
Twice his age.
Anyway, I’m super fucking happy for them. Really happy for Lance, especially, who at 39 already has an Oscar, and plenty of money from his constant LGBT speaking gigs, and can have any piece of ass he ever dreamed of in the region of Southern California which, in case you didn’t know, is chock full of Grade-A-excellent and prize-worthy pieces of ass but he had to go to London and get some Olympic medal-winning diver-and-TV-star ass, because he can.
For Tom’s sake, given he is young and naive and inexperienced, I hope that Lance goes easy on him and his perfect, diver’s ass, and doesn’t cast poor Tom aside in six months, as he’s probably been doing with twinks since the late 90s. If that were even possible. Because this is Tom Daley we’re talking about. And it’s not going to get much more perfect. And how awesome is it to be turning 40 and still banging 19 year olds? Admittedly. That is awesome. The entire homosexual and teenage-girl universe is counting on you, Lance, to make this one work. Because if you break Tom Daley’s heart, there will certainly be hell to pay. On Twitter, and every-fucking-where. Count on it.
* And I’m still kind of skeptical about this, actually, especially since that “friend” didn’t even know to call him Lance, and not Dustin, and because there’s this guy in the mix, who seems like way better boyfriend material.