Upcoming Gay Porn DVDs For Which To Be Super Excited

‘Sup! Mark Taint here. Just got back from a sojourn in Mumbai (kidding, I was in Pocatello, Idaho) and all I’ve done for the past three days is interview Sebastian Young, catch up on my DVR (can you believe what happened on The A-List: Detroit?!), and sift through all my work-related emails. Which reminds me: Look at all these terrible emails trying to sell me gay porn.

To be fair, my favorite work-related e-mails just so happen to be press kits; god, I love nothing more than an awfully drafted porn press kit. If you don’t know what a press kit is, it’s when “public relations managers” at porn studios write embarrassing, fragmented, stream-of-consciousness bullshit and send it out to affiliates and amateur bloggers to promote, which, uhh, no longer fucking works since no one reads press releases (not to mention, no one knows how to read on the internet) and/or everyone just watches Xtube.

Anyway, I read through all of my affiliate gay porn press kits and decided to pick five of the best ones to share with you lucky fuckers. Here are some of the DVDs your favorite studios will release later this year:

Fuck Me Bareback in My Man Pussy
This tour de force comes from the gay porn mega studio Planta Rosa and stars Antionino Biaggi in what some might call the pinnacle of his adult thespian career. In fact, this video is said to be so amazing, even the harshest of critics won’t have much to say. Biaggi might have to retire once it’s released, because there’s no way he’ll ever top it. Unless he doesn’t have to wear a condom.

Ass to Mouth to Ass to Mouth
Gay porn mega super studio Crystal Peninsula has just wrapped up filming on their top secret film, Ass to Mouth to Ass to Mouth. Set in a Motel 6, this high quality feature is said to be so top secret, all the porn stars starring in this film were driven out to Fresno immediately following their scenes and shot in the head behind a Jamba Juice. Bonus disc featuring a BTS interview with the maid who had to clean up the room after filming.
Hole-Sailors
From gay porn super deluxe studio mega Straight Surfing Bros with Surfing Boards on the Beach, comes Hole-Sailors. This tour de force is set to be the premier DVD of 2012. Not only does it feature everyone’s favorite straight gay porn super stars, they actually touch each other. I saw a little bit of sucking in the trailer, and I even heard some sex noises. Whomever the wordsmith sorcerer is working at Straight Surfing Bros with Surfing Boards on the Beach, he certainly got me as excited for this video as I was for the Rectodus Society.

Butt Hungry
The next video from Keeping Up With Mr. & Mrs. Big C. Studios is pretty minimalistic and features Mrs. Big C. inserting Hungry Hungry Hippo pearls into his anus.

Criminal Cocks II
Lastly, from Channel 1 Releasing, a gay porn super studio, comes the highly anticipated sequel to Criminal Cocks, Criminal Cocks II.
This video is said to star stars more relatable to today’s youth, something we didn’t really see with Ryan Idol’s horse face all over the first one. This time, C1R recruited real-life porn stars and fellow convicts Philip Aubrey, Cliff Jenson, AJ Monroe, Steven Daigle, Aden Jaric, Jake Lyons, Trent Locke, Ken Ryker, and Gavin Waters to perform an orgy at Micky’s during a “Cocktails With The Stars” show. Surprise ending includes footage of everyone’s probation officers showing up right after the cum shots to arrest everyone for violating parole. Directed by David Forest.

 

9 thoughts on “Upcoming Gay Porn DVDs For Which To Be Super Excited”

  1. Many a true word spoken in jest, the problem is certain studios might just make these movies, and by the way that pic of the two surfer boys is strangely arousing

  2. Will there be a golden shower in that David Forest orgy? And I think those little Hungry Hippo pearls might get lost in Mrs. C…just sayin

  3. I see “tour de force” is getting about the same amount of egregious usage as “Behold!” did in Yu-Gi-Oh. Also, we should refer to more people as “adult thespians.” Like it implies there’s someone out there writing similar copy to promote child thespians. Which, ew.

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