I know I said I was going to retire and I know I said I wanted to transition from blogging to acting, but I’ve changed my mind. Today, I’ve decided that I want to become the official spokesman for my favorite dildo, which will in turn land me an appearance in a commercial for my favorite underwear company and will also eventually secure me a Lifetime Exclusive Contract with my favorite gay porn studio!
Please vote for me in this new dildo contest I am entering, and I will sign my name on all the dildos with a pen. (Don’t worry, the ink is safe for your assholes if you put the dildos in there!) Also, if you vote for me in the dildo contest, it won’t just mean that I will become the new voice of the dildo, it will also mean that I have earned the respect of my fans and supporters. It will also mean that I am better than everyone else (my haters) who is nominated. Be sure to “like” me and the dildo company on Facebook!
And, as a happy coincidence, by encouraging you ever so slightly (VOTE FOR ME LOL!) to vote for me in the dildo contest, it gives the dildo company some free publicity, which I’m sure they weren’t expecting. It’s a win-win for everybody!! Vote for me to be an official dildo.
As the winner of the dildo contest, I’ll get to make live appearances, have my name and likeness etched into the molding of all the dildos and, best of all, appear in a cross-promotional tie-in video commercial for my favorite underwear company, which will be co-produced by the dildo company!
Vote for me to be the face of all the dildos, and then you’ll get to see me and all my sexy friends and our dildos in an Underwear Commercial that will go viral on all the blogs! Follow me on Instagram for more sexy pics (#NSFW) and subscribe to my YouTube channel for a preview of the underwear commercial and a Making Of The Dildo behind-the-scenes clip once we’re done shooting (and once I’ve won the contest LOL! Seriously, don’t forget to Vote for me–46 votes per email address!).
I like the fact that I can win a contest and appear in commercials and just lead a fun life all while supporting my favorite companies at the same time. This might be hard to believe, but these companies aren’t even paying me! Hello, I should be paying them. The real payoff for me, personally, is that winning the dildo contest and appearing in the underwear commercial will inevitably lead to my eventual signing of a Lifetime Exclusive Contract with my favorite gay porn studio. Once I’ve signed the contract, I’ll have found a home and will finally feel like I “belong.” I’ll never work for anyone else (except the dildo company or the underwear company) and will be a Lifetime Exclusive until the day that I retire, or until the day that the studio is bought out by a tube site. LOL!
Vote for me if you think I’d make the best dildo and would have the most viral underwear and would be the Longest Lifetime Exclusive. Not just because you like me and you want me to fulfill my dreams, but because the companies deserve to have someone like me helping to promote their products. I like being able to lend my services to dildo companies, underwear companies, t-shirt companies, lube companies, and any companies, really, because it reminds me that I am of value. Not just of value to the dildo/underwear/t-shirt/lube companies, but also of value to my fans and supporters who want to follow my career and who are inspired by watching me encouraging them to vote for me. Please RT ;)
#vote4Me
#dildos
What, no jelly dolphins?
We must be sensitive to the concerns of the phallus-averse, dear.
You hypocrite, if you really wanted to win you’d provide a link to the contest.