A 24-year-old British stud named Wayne met a pale, bird-like 22-year-old named Dominique at a nightclub. When she booty-called him the next weekend, Wayne thought, “Hell yeah,” and went on over.
After some drunken, Valium-riddled one-night-stand sex, Wayne passed out. That’s when Dominique took it upon herself to engrave some mementos of their meaningless sex into his body forever. She carved her name into one shoulder and slashed the other shoulder multiple times in a random pattern. (See image below.)
“When I woke I was covered in blood. Dominique was snoring. I just had to get out of there. I didn’t even wake her to ask what she’d done.”
Now Dominique (left) is on trial, and Wayne (right) is scarred for life. Come play for our team, Wayne. We may give you a disease, but at least we won’t etch our womanly psychosis into your shoulders.
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
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