One year ago I joined the online dating service OKCupid because I was lonely, depressed, and probably drunk. I created a profile, uploaded photos, and remember browsing a few guys’ profiles before I passed out in a pool of my own tears and/or vomit(?) and alcohol and never visited the site again. Until today. I just logged in to my OKCupid profile for the first time in a year, and here are all the messages that were waiting for me.
Which, if any, of the below men should I reply to (assuming they are even still awaiting my reply–it’s been a year!) and go on a date with?
Privacy issues forbid me from posting my suitors’ full names and photos, but I think that makes your job of picking a match for me that much more fun and that much more meaningful. It’s like The Voice only instead of a singing competition it’s a horrifying glimpse into my pathetic life.
But still, who would you pick if you were me (and clearly, thank God you are not) and you could reply to one of these actual messages?
You are so adorable, and I loved your profile, would love to get to know you more and become penpals, and who knows maybe even meet someday!! :-) Hope this message finds you well!! Ryan xx
Hi Zachary, I am curious to know about you. You have a spartan profile. Please share with me your three traits you look for in a romantic partner. How do you see yourself 10 years from now? My name is Ronald. I look forward to getting to know you.
hi, how are you?
Hey there cutie :) You’re hot!! Don’t really know much about ya but would like to find out!! I too work a lot so it’s awesome whenever I get a good enough reason to have some fun!!! Perhaps we can get to know each other over couple drinks & see how things go? I hope I hear back from ya, I know there’s a good time to be had ;)
hey. whats going on?
Wink — your profile made me laugh, thx
love your photos. nudes?
Cute. Not into femme guys though do you still have a beard or not?
Vers bottom here for you. whatever you want.
Hi Zachary. I recently moved to San Francisco and am honestly just looking to meet new friends–nothing serious and not in a “relationship” frame of mind right now since I’m still dating someone long distance but I’m open to starting something new, maybe. I’m a big reader, which makes me thinks we’d have a lot to discuss since you’re a writer ;) I’m a huge Dean Koontz buff. Do you know of any book clubs that meet in the city?
When can u meet
I feel like we met before but I don’t know. You look like my ex lol. Are you on Grindr?
Can’t figrue out how to uplad pics how did you?