White Party 2012 is on April 6th, and for those of you who are too poor to attend (how embarrassing!), you’re in luck: I will be reporting live from the White Party!
Yes, I have already begun preparations for this year’s White Party in Palm Springs (see last year’s exclusive coverage) by shaving, tanning, waxing, bleaching, and tribal-tattooing my entire body, and now all I need is my official “press pass” from White Party CEO Jeffrey Sanker. So far, he hasn’t responded to my request, but I’m sure he’s just busy setting up lights and hiring EMTs to help people who die at the White Party.
But other than laser shows, death, and dehydration, what else can you expect from this year’s White Party and The Sword’s coverage? GHB. And, Mary J. Blige! I plan on taking some pics and possibly interviewing the “No More Drama” songstress and queen of circuit parties, who, if you can believe it, has never performed for an all-homosexual audience before.
Like the gays, Mary has been through a lot in her life, so she can identify with our struggles. Our struggles to fit in. Our struggles to find love. Our struggles to afford $650 for a weekend pass to White Party 2012. Also, her name is “Mary,” Mary.
I can’t wait to meet the famous tranny Lisa Vanderpump at White Party 2012 and talk about how we are both media professionals and we are both covering the White Party on the “White Carpet” outside of the dancing tents and the pool parties. And speaking of pool parties, I can’t wait to go to the White Party 2012 and check into my 4-star hotel room, slip into my bathing suit, and then go cruise the pool area for men to lazily kick around some beach balls with before having unprotected sex with them (back in my 4-star hotel room) because I will be “too fucked up” to wear a condom (not that I brought any with me to begin with…LOL!).
It is a dichotomy of sorts, being a gay man in 2012. Can we be promiscuous whores in the desert and heteronormative equal rights activists in “real life,” once the music stops and the light shows end? Can we “have it all”? The religious and right wing haters try to marginalize me by calling me some kind of sexual deviant, but all I really want is love and freedom of expression. All I want is to live in a world where I can have the freedom to behave however I want and to also be able to call for a boycott of anyone or anything who disagrees with my lifestyle.
Maybe like last year, after we do poppers and have bareback sex in my 4-star hotel room (courtesy of Jeffrey Sanker), we can go get our NOH8 pics taken with White Party 2011 headliner Charo.
And then, I will gather up my similarly shirtless and bronzed and hairless friends for a night of glowsticks and signing and dancing. We will sing like no one is listening, dance like no one is watching (because everyone is on Special K and can’t see), and love like we’ve never been hurt. Cocaine.
Will I find love at White Party 2012? Will I find ecstasy? Stay tuned for more exclusive coverage, all courtesy of Jeffrey Sanker and his generous donation to The Sword of one VIP Weekend White Party 2012 pass.