After the Los Angeles City Council adopted an ordinance earlier this year, it appointed a committee to study how such a law might be enforced. After months of committee meetings, the city’s administrative officer issued a 47-page report Wednesday offering some proposals. Among them: contracting with a licensed medical professional to conduct periodic inspections of film productions to ensure condoms are being used.
Ha. A condom cop. Showing up unannounced on porn sets to lay down the law. What if he (or she) finds somebody goofing off who needs to be, ahem, punished? Or, what if someone needs a little extra care and a soft set of hands to help unroll that condom down a nice, long, hard cock? Hey, this all sounds like a great plot…for a porn.
Just what kind of “licensed medical professional” would be best suited to inspect porn sets? If a condom ends up being leaky/defective, is the “licensed medical professional” then to blame? Sounds fair. And are we talking doctors? Nurses? You went to medical school for seven years and spent $150,000, and now you’re watching porn stars put on condoms. Sorry. Or, maybe we’re not sorry. Maybe this is what you wanted, to look at hard dicks. The same hard dicks that have caused all of ONE case of HIV in the entire industry since 2004.
Making matters worse…
There’s also talk of a fine:
Along with considering hiring a prophylactic policeman, the city’s administrative officer also suggested officials implement a fee to pay for inspections. An amount wasn’t suggested, but the report estimated it could range anywhere from $3,472 to $2,204, depending upon how many film permits for adult movies are issued.
Right, because the economy’s doing so well right now, independent producers coughing up an extra $3,000 to pay for a condom cop should be no problem.
The report also said a study by the Los Angeles Fire Department indicates that more than 100 condom cops might be needed to adequately enforce the law, at a cost of $1.7 million or more a year.
100 Condom Cops! Producing a 100-man gay orgy, with condoms, would be more practical and efficiently run than whatever these poor medical school dropouts could be tasked with doing, running around the Valley with their microscopes and their measuring sticks and whatever else they would need to make sure that the condoms are secure. What about lube? Will there be lube? Will the doctors be lubing things up? And what about oral cum shots? Are those still OK? Or will there be dental dams? Oh no…we need 100 Dental Dam Cops!
I’d like to say we’re living in scary times, but in reality we are living in just plain old retarded times. Dumb ass fucking times. Stupid times. With stupid assholes, everywhere. And idiots. Proud idiots. Idiots making decisions for other idiots to implement idiotically. From the flops at the AHF, who put this dog and pony show together, and now to the perpetually on the brink of bankruptcy L.A. City Council, who can’t even pay for the meeting room where they came up with the need for the 100 condom cops and the $1.7 million. Hilarious!
This is big, buffoonish, “nanny state” government at its best, motivated by the usual bullshit mix of fear, ignorance, and people’s naivety that maybe they’re “doing the right thing” and can save some poor girl’s life. Except they’re not. Condoms or no condoms, the porn that people want to pay for will be made, just out of L.A. County. (And then all those film permit fees go out of L.A. County, too. Sorry, L.A. County.) And some poor girl—who will go through rigorous testing protocols and who may actually use condoms in her scenes after all (without the aid of a cop)—will make her porn and make her money and, as the odds overwhelmingly show us, she will end her porn career without ever having caught HIV. (Herpes, maybe, but she probably got that off set.)