Among our criteria: visitors’ feedback, caliber of the clientele, facilities, size and upkeep.
10. Sauna Olimpic (Valencia, Spain)
17 Vivons St
open 10AM – midnight
Located on Spain’s East Coast in gorgeous Valencia (pictured here), the Olimpic Sauna is known for its consistently young and good-looking crowd. It’s a friendly, vanilla scene, perfect for the horny vacationer who enjoys his sex unaccompanied by cockrings and nipple clamps.
9. Chariots Shoreditch (London, England)
open noon – 9AM
It’s the biggest, best known bathhouse in England. And that’s saying a lot, because those Brits are as picky as they are randy. You’ll find everything you need here, including two jacuzzis, a pool, a vast dark maze and a warehouse of a dry sauna. The crowd is young, hot and perhaps a tad stand-offish. Or maybe we’re just ugly.
8. Flex (Cleveland, OH)
open 24 hours
The monstrous building that houses this much buzzed-about bathhouse used to be a Greyhound bus station. Just think: this building used to house all sorts of seedy, diseased drug addicts, but now it houses seedy, diseased drug addicts who enjoy fucking other men. Since this is America we’re talking about, everything here is supersized, from the 4,000 square foot steamroom maze to the Grand Presidential suite (pictured left, and yes, that is a grand piano you see in the background.) If you feel like shelling out $200 for this prize room, you’ll be able to regale your anonymous sexual partners with show-tunes while they run to the bathroom to gurgle and attend to their gum sores.
7. Pink Beach (Laussanne, Switzerland)
open 24 hours
Located in the idyllic mountain town of Laussanne, this bathhouse combines the pampering expertise of the Swiss with a fully loaded raunch dungeon. So on one lube-y hand you have well-trained massuers and locally-milled soaps, and on the other hand you have cages, harnesses and slings, as well as a “St. Andreas” Cross and gynocologic chairs. We have no idea what those last two things are, but we’re guessing they have something to do with anal sex.
6. Club 269 (Sao Paolo, Brazil)
open 24 hours
The largest gay bathhouse in South America opened its doors just a year ago, but it’s already widely known for the young and hunky crowd of regulars.
5. Steamworks (Chicago, IL)
open 24 hours
Steamworks is the Starbucks of bathhouses, and this facility in Chicago is the flagship location. Perhaps you’d like a tall hatte? Or a venti black cock? The crowd here is diverse and hot, and most evenings it’s packed. Just don’t make the mistake of coming here on Blackout Thursdays, when they turn off the lights and attract the type of guys who would benefit from having the lights are turned off.
4. Kaiserbrundl Sauna (Vienna, Austria)
open Su – Th 2PM – midnight, Fr – Sa 2PM – 2AM
This may well be the most beautiful bathhouse in the world. The pool area resembles an ancient Turkish bath, with ornate arches and weathered stone and tile. Outside there’s a “Winter Garden” with lounge chairs and bird baths, and the fitness rooms and dry saunas are state-of-the-art. The building itself was constructed during the Middle Ages, which must inspire nostalgia in the geriatric clientele. The Kaiserburndl is a must-see for bathouse lovers, and if you run into an ex, you can always say that you’re only here for the architecture.
3. Sun City (Paris, France)
open noon – 6AM
Sun City isn’ t just big and well-equipped; it also happens to have acquired every vageuly Middle-Eastern miniature statue ever created. But bathhouses are not about restraint — so why hold back on the decor? While it feels weird getting fucked in a sling while a terra cotta elephant prophet looks on, just head on over to the blue-lit bar for a drink, and remind yourself that you don’t believe in God. Or you can head over to Le Depot, the almost-as-popular popular and much less kitschy dungeon next door.
2. Babylon Bangkok (Bangkok, Thailand)
open noon – midnight
This place really puts the cock in Bangkok! (We’ll give you a moment to recover from that opener before proceeding.) Enclosed in a high-rise hotel, this bathhouse combines luxury and sleaze like no other. A rich sex addict with an Asian fetish could come here to retire and never leave the property. There are two bars, a large pool, multiple wet and dry saunas, a gym that people actually work out in, and a… um… “Garden of Earthly Delights.” They also have masseurs who have never known an ending that wasn’t happy.
1. Stargayte (Leipzig, Germany)
open Mo – Th 3PM – midnight, Fr – Su 24 hrs
Germany’s stellar bathhouse scene almost makes up for the Holocaust. The nation of pure-blooded manmeat has some of the best-reviewed bathhouses in the world, and this clean, dirty sauna near Cologne is no exception.
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