Gone are the halcyon days that glittery power bottoms like Johnny Weir and Evan Lysacek ruled the ice at the Winter Olympics. The Sochi mayor stated that gays don’t exist in his town, and by God I’m starting to believe him. Because none and I mean NONE of the male figure skating lineup is hot.
I had an easier time finding hot guys in the Super Bowl (and that was pretty difficult already), but I honestly expected a glorious twink overload when it came to the male figure skaters.
Not the case. And no, I’m not even going to post pictures. You can Google it yourself.
Before you get your American flag panties in a twist, kindly allow to me refresh your memory. In 2010, American skaters Johnny Weir and Evan Lysacek had a bitter will-they-or-won’t-they-fuck rivalry that electrified the rink with deliriously bitchy hot tension. Oh, and while they were at it, they looked like this:
They weren’t the only ones melting the ice with their sheer heat. There was also:
Vaughn Chipeur of Canada
Samuel Contesti of Italy
Brian Joubert of France
Stephane Lambiel of Switzerland
Now, I don’t want to be mean (okay, I do), but after all of the hateful fails of Russia and the Olympics, the least we gays could get is some decent eye candy. But once again, we’ve gotten fucked in every way except the good way.
America, stop trying to make Jason Brown happen. He’s not gonna happen. #sorrynotsorry
Johnny Weir’s Grindr is gonna look awful ratchet in Sochi. This is what happens when you piss off the gays. Everyone loses.
Previously: WELCOME TO RUSSIA, HOMOSEXUALS…