An elaborate chemical analysis of the drink found trace amounts of de-cocainized extract of the coca leaf, which means that the energy drink can not be considered a foodstuff and must be classified as a narcotic.
To clarify, the drug was found in the relatively new Red Bull Cola, not the standard Red Bull Energy Drink — ironically, the product website still says “100% Cola. Without chemicals?”
Backpedaling about this breaking news about their secret formula — which we now see the brilliance of… inspired as it is by olden days Coca Cola, which probably never would have become as popular without the addition of a little BLOWCAINE — a spokeman for Red Bull said, “De-cocainized extract of coca leaf is used worldwide in foods as a natural flavouring.”
Yah, RIGHT. Clearly if the shit’s an illegal additive we doubt it’d be in there were it not for some special energizing properties. Anyway, this is clearly a better idea than simply naming your energy drink ‘Cocaine.’
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Red Bull Cola Could be Banned In Germany (UK Daily Mail)
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
Show me an anti-gay activist and I'll show you someone who likes to fuck male hookers. Unzipped has tracked down the rabid homophobe George Reker's hooker. Is it a coincidence that the muscle twink sort of looks like Jesus?
Here's a contender for Gay Hooker Murderer Coverboy of the Year. 16-year-old Daniel Kovarbasich is accused of stabbing a 55-year-old married man to death. Evidence will include a dented pickle jar and gay porn. Also 50 stab wounds.
Darren Chiacchia, an equestrian who won an Olympic bronze medal in Athens, failed to have the "I just tested positive for HIV" talk with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend went to the police.
Dogs are not man's best friend if that man is a drugfucked circuit party homowhore who lives in Australia.