Can anyone help me find my dog, who was last seen at White Party 2012?
I knew it was a bad idea bringing my Pomeranian to White Party 2012 in Palm Springs.
All I wanted to do was dance, do tons of meth, see Mary J. Blige, take raw loads in my suite at the Palm Springs Renaissance Hotel, and still be able to show off my cute dog at all the cool parties, but of course I fucked it all up. Of course I can’t do anything right.
Sometime between Saturday night’s bareback gangbang at the pool and Sunday morning’s all-you-can drink mimosa brunch at Hamburger Mary’s, my best friend and loyal companion disappeared.
Have you seen my dog?
I told him to trust me. I told him I would take care of him. I told him everything would be fine and that he would have a good time. Instead, I brought him around strange men who were doing drugs and having unprotected sex. I forced him to listen to some of the worst music ever made. I dressed him up like some sort of cheap gay prop and used him to get hot guys to fuck me. I exposed him to some of the most morally reprehensible behavior known to mankind. Come to think of it, he probably isn’t even lost. He probably ran away from home after seeing everything he saw.
It’s all my fault.
I have gone through all of White Party 2012 promoter Jeffrey Sanker’s pics, but he’s nowhere to be seen. If you see my dog somewhere in Palm Springs, tell him I’m sorry. Tell him I will never take him somewhere he doesn’t want to go ever again.
Here he is again with some nice lady, just before I almost passed out after doing too many poppers. Hopefully he’s found a new home with someone as pretty as her.
I hate you for ruining my life and making me take my dog to you, White Party. I wish I were dead (and honestly can’t believe that I’m not after everything I did this weekend).
The last place he was seen:
Why can’t I be responsible like other pet owners who brought their dogs to the White Party?