Let’s puck! With the National Hockey League’s Stanley Cup Playoffs in full swing, the big, hard wooden sticks have us all horny. Here we conclude our look at our own all-stars from the contenders.
Continued from Part 1, I now look at the eight teams from the Western Conference. It was tough, but I picked one jock from each team, Which stud would you most want to score with?
1. Tyler Seguin (27, 6-1, 200)
Hometown: Brampton, Ontario
Team: Dallas Stars
Position: Center
There literally is not enough time and space to devote to the innate sexiness that is Tyler Seguin. He is hot. He is funny. And he clearly has no issue being naked. For starters, I present you this video footage from ESPN’s Body Issue in 2015.
Here’s more from that glorious shoot:
More recent workout fun:
Then there’s his love of dogs (one of his pups even had his own Twitter account!):
HAPPY 24th BIRTHDAY DAD!!!! Love you ❤️❤️❤️ pic.twitter.com/HGZImxdI5k
— Marshall Seguin (@marshallseguin) January 31, 2016
And there’s his bromance with former teammate Brad Marchand (the duo was known as “Bryler”)…
I’ll leave you with one last shot…
Tyler, you’re killing me. Killing.
Where I’d cast him: You just know he’s a CockyBoy at heart.
2. Gabriel Landeskog (26, 6-1, 215)
Hometown: Stockholm, Sweden
Team: Colorado Avalanche
Position: Left Wing
Gabriel likes to do interviews. Shirtless.
LANDESKOG [leaning in close]: whose skates are those?
EQUIPMENT TYSON [somehow, still coherent]: they’re yours
LANDESKOG [beautifully]: they better not be 92
EQUIPMENT TYSON: 😳 pic.twitter.com/B50ccGi363— x. (@youripides) April 21, 2018
He’ll also cook for you. Shirtless.
I would LOVE some Swedish meatballs right about now.
Where I’d cast him: His playful nature would fit right in at BelAmi.
3. The Vegas Golden Knights
Hometown: Everywhere
Team: Duh!
Position: Wherever they want
Sorry, I just couldn’t pick one Knight. Why? This is why…
That’s Erik Haula, James Neal (now a Flame), Alex Tuch, Reilly Smith, Brandon Lepisic (now a King), Nate Schmidt, Colin Miller and Shea Theodore. I’m a little partial to Reilly Smith cause…
But there’s something super-hot about the way Shea Theodore has his hand on Colin Miller’s knee. Fuck yes.
Where I’d cast them: I’m seeing a massive orgy for Falcon.
4. Brian Boyle (34, 6-6, 245)
Hometown: Hingham, MA
Team: Nashville Predators
Position: Center
Now that Mike Fisher (aka Mr. Carrie Underwood) is retired (wait, hang on…I need a moment to think about those pecs…)
Phew. Thanks. As I was saying, it’s time to pick a new Predator to lust after. Thankfully, this is a very attractive team. I came real close to picking Roman Josi (he is a god), but my new #1 is Brian Boyle…
Also seen here rooming with a former teammate…
At 6-6 and 245, this stud would crush me. Yes please! I also wanna run my fingers through that amazing hair.
Oh, he’s also played through cancer, and is thankfully in remission. And that makes him a hero off the ice as well. (*reaches for tissue*)
Where I’d cast him: Hot House jock all the way, baby!
5. Evander Kane (27, 6-2, 210)
Hometown: Vancouver, British Columbia
Team: San Jose Sharks
Position: Left Wing
I think Evander is talking about his tattoos here, but I was a little visually distracted to remember what he was actually saying…
Did you hear that bit about him catching his teammate’s tattoo in the shower? Mmm hmm. (More on that teammate below…)
Then there’s this…
And his love of dogs…
Penelope’s ready for her first game @SanJoseSharks @NHL #GameDay pic.twitter.com/GzlpPgNnuW
— Evander Kane (@evanderkane_9) March 4, 2018
So, pardon me if I’m not fully sold on his bad boy image.
Where I’d cast him: Evander has a NakedSword Originals story in him, for sure.
5 ½. Joe Thornton (39, 6-4, 220)
Hometown: London, Ontario
Team: San Jose Sharks
Position: Center
Yeah, I’m cheating a little bit here to squeeze in an extra dude. Why? Because daddies need love, too! Joe likes to go shirtless so much, the Sharks even did a shirtless bobblehead promo:
Here are some of his ESPN Body Issue highlights (see video here):
Where I’d cast him: Showing Pride in himself and his body, let’s celebrate on MenOver30.com!
6. Ryan O’Reilly (28, 6-1, 216)
Hometown: Clinton, Ontario
Team: St. Louis Blues
Position: Center
Exhibit A: Insert “ripped” and “package” Christmas pun here…
Exhibit B: Ryan getting cozy during a vacation in Italy with Team Canada buds Tyson Barrie, Brayden Schenn and Nathan MacKinnon after a World Championship…
Exhibit C: Puppy!
Where I’d cast him: Getting a real Next Door Studios feeling with this stud.
7. James Neal (31, 6-3, 212)
Hometown: Whitby, Ontario
Team: Calgary Flames
Position: Left Wing
You got a taste of James above with his former Vegas Golden Knights teammates. He deserves more love:
Loving those hot hairy jock legs.
Where I’d cast him: All man = Men.com!
8. Blake Wheeler (32, 6-5, 225)
Hometown: Plymouth, MN
Team: Winnipeg Jets
Position: Right Wing
So…very…handsome!
Plus, he would totally make out with us…
.@WiebeSunSports asks Blake Wheeler if he would have been told at the beginning of year you’d be in Game 7 with a chance to go to Conference Final, what would he have said?
Wheeler: “I would have given you a big kiss, not a lick. Let’s be clear.” 😘 #WPGWhiteout
— K E L C E Y B R A D E (@KelceyBradeTSN) May 8, 2018
(That’s a shot at the previously mentioned Marchand, who likes to lick opponents.)
And here’s him working out as a youngin’…
Where I’d cast him: He gives me a raging hardon, so I’m gonna say Raging Stallion.
Thanks for indulging my hockey fantasies. What are yours? I’ll leave you with another image from a stud I had in Part 1: Pittsburgh Penguin Patric Hornqvist (right, with Evgeni Malkin). Somehow, this image escaped me last week…
