For months now we thought that the painful, red, oozy sores covering our genitalia were maybe something to take to a clinic. But now we realize that the problem isn’t our local blindfolded fisting club, but rather that our genitals are simply too virile and mannish for normal soap to handle. What a relief!
If you’re not convinced yet, then here’s an endorsement from our favorite hunk, Anna Kournikova. Man Junk quotes the tigress as saying, “Boyfriends have to understand my needs. I shower four times a day.” We shower eight times a day, we don’t have a vagina and our boyfriends still complain! And if you think our boyfriends are pissed now, wait til they find out about the sores!
Of course, Man Junk isn’t the only product to plumb the depths of the gay obsession with cleanliness. There’s Butt Pirate Deodorant, created by Chris Hull, a porn producer who was “tired of [his] dick smelling like shit.” Amen.
There’s also Cum-Kleen, personal wipes for anyone who’s ever thought to himself: “Oh, how I hate that none of my tissue boxes around the house have crude illustrations of an erect penis on them.”
Of course, these products can only dream of the success of DynaDouche, the shower attachment/dildo made “for everyone who’s serious about play” (as well as everyone who wants airport security to know they’re a bottom.)
*Please don’t buy anything.
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