Despite stiff (and half-naked) competition from a rapping MC Jesus, a Brokeback Jesus duo, Victoria’s Secret Jesus and Larry Magdalene, the crown of thorns was placed decidely on Livestock Jesus, who appeared on stage with a flock of live sheep and AN INCREDIBLY CUTE MINI DONKEY.
Update: There seems to be a Norm Coleman/Al Franken style debate over who won with us and NBC News calling it for Livestock Jesus and SFist calling it for “Brokeback Jesus.” Since everyone involved was drunk and/or high, and a Brokeback Jesus is about as timely as, say, a Crazy Frog Jesus, we’re overriding popular opinion and siding with the Jesus with the INCREDIBLY CUTE MINI DONKEY.
A larger than expected pool of would-be Jesi required an early elimination round, during which lesser prophets like Armani Jesus and the Spice Christs were sent out of the promised land.
Of course, with host Sister Roma around, even the losers got a prize. “I want to party with you two later,” she told Hunting and Fishing Jesus as the half-naked pair exited the stage.
Photos by Darwin Bell for The Sword.
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
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