There may be some people out there who delight in references to Fu Manchu or Willie Horton when they’re whacking off, but we’d rather have race-based fantasies presented with a little more subtlety. Of course, they wouldn’t be nearly as entertaining.
South Americans tend to get stereotyped in porn as langorous, pleasure-loving sex gods … or here, as uncivilized killers. According to the boxcover, “these savages prefer to kill their victims out of pleasure using their rock hard spears and their voracious appetite for sex.” If it weren’t hardcore, this could have been a Woody Woodpecker cartoon from the 50s.
9. Zebra Love
“Jungle Fever” was too risque, so director “Peter Goesinya” (GEDDIT?) came up with this more delicate phrase that merely hints at the savannah.
8. The Doctor, The Lawyer and the Indian Chief
Stonie, the man currently known as Brittany Coxxx, stars in this magical number that seems to reference something from Blanche Knott’s Truly Tasteless Jokes, the Village People and City Slickers: The Legend of Curly’s Gold. More likely, someone found two Indian-style headdresses in their kid’s toybox and decided to base a boxcover around it. We wonder if the newspaper explains why the doctor operates in Speedos.
They didn’t even have the courtesy to throw in a deck of playing cards for plausible deniability, and you can practically hear the studio head/art director chuckling to himself between loading the pipe. Clearly they spent all non-research related cash on dime-store necklaces and du-rags just in case you didn’t realize they were, you know, blatino.
5. Last of the Moricans
We’ve never even heard of ‘Moricans,’ which could be a portmanteau of homo and Puerto Rican, or could just be some lazy director trying to squeeze a half-baked title onto the boxcover. Thankfully, they Photoshopped on a headdress to make sure the title offended/aroused someone. Unfortunately, by this point in the game only our aesthetic sense is offended, having already laughed uproariously at “With Sex You Get Eggroll.”
4. Creme of Sum Yung Gai
Blanche Knott rides again, but to class up the joint they used the continental version of cream. Or, more likely, they just copied the spelling from a box of Entenmann’s Raspberry Danish Twist.
3. Ace of Spades
Did my grandfather come up with this one? I’M SERIOUS. He was a total Italian racist, the type who’d have tried to distribute Mulignan Rouge if he’d been in the business.
“So hot, he’ll melt steel!” Or maybe: “He blows himself… up!” Oh, the yucks you can have when tragedy plus time equals porno.
First, ‘hi’ is missing two letters and we’re pretty sure why. (See #6) Second, this is the type of movie we’d expect D.W. Griffith to have directed. Surely Kum Kox Klan is in the pipeline?
It's an interview with Phillip Aubrey: porn star, Spencer Reed's boyfriend, burp fetishist.
The COLT superstars joined a protest in Rome against the Catholic Church in order to make the claim that gay people are not pedophiles. There was a chihuaha involved.
I feel sorry for people with fetishes that can never be realized in real life. Take this Flickr user, who has to make do with his giants fetish using Photoshop.
I'm not one for bragging about intellectual accomplishments (it's something I learned from, you know, graduating with honors from Brown University), but Conner Habib is justifiably excited about his blurb in a book written by Carl Sagan's son.