Are you ever lighting candles around your house and wondering why the scented wax doesn’t smell more like your crusty orgasms? Well, then I have a product for you!
The newest trash coming out of the Goop labs and Gwyneth Paltrow’s brain is a candle that smells… like her orgasm. Cool. Thanks. I hate it. The product is a follow up to a Goop candle that went viral a while back that was supposed to smell like Gwyn’s vagina. This new candle is obviously meant to get the same outrageous headlines the first candle got – and congrats it worked. We’re currently writing about it.
“A fitting follow-up to that candle—you know the one,” reads the orgasm candle’s official description. “This blend is made with tart grapefruit, neroli, and ripe cassis berries blended with gunpowder tea and Turkish rose absolutes for a scent that’s sexy, surprising, and wildly addictive.”
We live in a hell society, so the candle is going for a whopping $75. The original vagina candle was also $75 and sold out in minutes back in January. So if you really want this wax trash, I would recommend buying now before every Goop-loving freak out there nabs it up first.
We’re sure you could tell from the description, but these candles don’t literally smell like orgasms or vaginas. They seem to be regular, fancy candles with ridiculous sexual names attached to them.
But hear us out – if Goop was to actually start selling candles that really smell like famous people’s junk, they would make a fortune. I know plenty of perverts that would buy a dick candle from their favorite porn star. Think of a Goop x Falcon Studios collab where all you have to do is light up some wax and you could have your entire house smell like Cade Maddox’s dick sweat. Now that’s a product I would buy for $75.
What porn star or celebrity would you want a candle of? Who do you want to smell? Sound off in the comments below.
I would like a Bo Sinn’s dick scented candle and a Biaggi Balls Bath Bomb. Thanks