A Definitive Ranking of Every Object Pierce Paris Has Put In His Ass

What has Pierce shoved up his ass? The better question is, what hasn’t Pierce shoved up his ass?

Pierce Paris is known for putting random items up his ass and filming it. You’ve probably seen a couple of these videos since they always go viral on Twitter. They’re random. They’re insane. They’re genuinely shocking. So naturally we have to round up every object he’s ever shoved up his butt and rank them!

The only things you’ll find on this list are unconventional and weird objects. So sorry if you’re expecting us to talk about porn star dicks or boring, basic dildos. The only sex toys on this list are the ones attached to skateboards and other random surfaces.

And in case you’re wondering, yes, Pierce is very self-aware and knows that these videos are ridiculous. Earlier this year he tweeted, “FYI My Twitter skits are for laughs! I will happily make myself look like a jackass to put a smile on someone’s face. Always remember it’s not how we live through the good times it’s how we push through the hard times that defines us. I choose to Love, Live and Laugh!” We love a self-aware king.

Comment below if you agree with our ranking. What video is your favorite and what do you want to see Pierce fuck himself with next?

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1176715099756564480

20. Shocked Emoji Ball

When you compare it to everything else on this list, a ball is a really simple item to shove in your ass. It’s too basic and that’s why it’s all the way at the bottom. Plus the emotion on that little balls face is terrifying and I never want to see it again.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1192262320157650945

19. Cockapult

I don’t understand this contraption. Did he build it himself? Did he modify an existing catapult so it could harness a purple dildo? Is there any way to add a motor to it so you don’t have to manually fuck yourself? What is going on here?

18. Doorknob

Who hasn’t looked at a nice ornamental and wondered what it would feel like going up their man cunt? Pierce decided to find out in this Men.com video. I still don’t really understand how it comfortably fits in there, but good on Pierce for making it work. Watch this full scene at Men.com.

17. iPhone

I wouldn’t say that shoving a phone up your ass is common, but if you do a quick Google search you’ll find a lot of cases of phones going up some bootyholes. So while I applaud Pierce for taking an Apple product up his rear, it isn’t the most adventurous item. Watch the full scene at Men.com.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1088681110693806080

16. GayVN Award

With the help of hunk William Seed, Pierce was able to squeeze the majority of this trophy into his backdoor entrance.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1215755396851257344

15. Butt Plug Jump Rope 

Is this a jump rope that has two butt plugs attacked to the end? Or is it just a regular jump rope with very phallic-looking handles? And if so, where do I purchase one?

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1204471752220299265

14. Spinning Dildo

I honestly don’t understand how he did this or what is going on in this video. If anything I’m just curious how it feels. I imagine it’s the same sensation you would have if you let a KitchenAid stand mixer go to town on your hole.

13. Baseball bat

A classic. Who hasn’t tried to shove a baseball bat up their own ass on a lonely Friday night? Watch this full scene at Men.com.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1220862560716509184

12. Tiny Balls

This is one of many videos on this list where I wonder how many tries it took to get right. I want to see the blooper reel of him missing the basket. Side note: Lil’ Bow Wow’s Basketball is a solid bop and God bless this video for reminding me that this song exists.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1188118912497532928

11. Nerf Rocket

Where is the blooper reel for this video? How many attempts did it take to make it in his hole? However many, it was worth it. This is hilarious content. But also, why is this video 1 second long? Did it fall out right after it got into his hole? Is that why it cuts off so fast?

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1175908093814685697

10. Arrow

Katniss could never! Hawkeye could never! Green Arrow could never!

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1189371831171592192

9. Pumpkin Stem

Ooky spooky Babadooky! I wish he shoved the entire pumpkin up his ass, but the stem will do for now. The production on this video makes this entire act way scarier than it should be, but I guess that’s the point.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1216037086727262208

8. Cactus

I ranted about this frightening cactus fuck last week. This entire situation has huge “what the fuck” energy.

7. Traffic cone

Did he buy a cone specifically for this or do you think he just found one on the street and decided to stuff it up his bum? It looks brand new, so it’s probably not one he stole from a construction zone. However he obtained it, it’s impressive how far down he can go on it. I hope he trains himself and can eventually swallow the entire cone with his backside. Watch this full scene at Men.com.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1201292401236594688

6. Christmas Lights

O’ Holy Night indeed! A lot of these videos at the top of this list are in the top because they have the element of surprise. You don’t know what’s going to happening at the beginning of the video and then you get a fun Sixth Sense-style twist at the end. And then you’re stuck with wondering how he got lights up there and if he was scared of his hole being electrocuted. Maybe he’s into that though.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1215846816958181376

5. Domino

Element of surprise! This is just a fun domino video – it could be a fucking OK Go music video for all we know – but them BAM! It’s a gaping hole!

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1188569978783621121

4. Toy Car

So do you think Pierce just has things like rainbow dominos and Hot Wheels tracks laying around his house? Is he going out and buying everything for these skits? How much money is he spending on each video? Can he write it off on his taxes?

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1187930811468632064

3. Skateboard dildo

This is the funniest video on the internet. Try to show me a funnier video. You can’t. This is three seconds of perfection. If this was filmed like 8 years ago, he could have put this on Vine (when Vine was alive and still allowed porn) and become a huge Vine star. Pierce Paris: the world’s premier porn star and A-list Viner.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1212053422297382913

2. His own balls

There’s a lot of content with Pierce shoving his own balls in his ass and having people fuck him while his balls are still shoved up there, but we decided to include this quintessential piece of film instead. Just a simple video of a man squeezing his balls out of his own ass. Classic cinema in its finest form.

https://twitter.com/PierceParisXXX/status/1162778167808946177?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw%7Ctwcamp%5Etweetembed%7Ctwterm%5E1162778167808946177&ref_url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.queermenow.net%2Fblog%2Fpierce-paris-butt-putt-challenge-gay-porn%2F

1. Golfball / Glass Jar

JLo was snubbed for an Oscar and so was this piece of cinema. This should be the front runner for Best Live Action Short, but the Academy is homophobic. This video has it all. The twists. The turns. The story. The plot. The characters. You see something new every time you watch it. I truly love this video more than I love my own family.

 

---

Correction: A previous version of this post listed the #16 entry as an XBIZ award. The trophy in question is actually a GayVN award. The post has been updated with the correct information.