He’s Not Going to Let the Lesbians Have Framed Marriage Certificates to Hang in Their Hers and Hers Toilets
If you’re one of those who cares about the gay marriage-vs-civil unions debate, then you may have to compromise your ideals to vote for either Democratic candidate. Barack is for equal rights and blah blah blah, but, like Hillary, he stops short of talking “marriage,” preferring the separate-but-equal solution of civil unions, and is stressing that we ought to, at this point in the “movement,” be focusing on getting equal protections under the law more than getting hung up on the word itself.
He Believes Homophobia is Un-Christian
In this speech given at a rally in Beaumont, Texas, Barack came out with strong words in favor of equal treatment for people of all sexual orientations, to tepid applause. Knowing his audience (largely though not entirely, it appears, African American and probably not largely gay, though he was at the time aggressively courting the gay vote in Texas via a televised opportunity like this), he quickly declares, “I’m a Christian… I praise Jesus every Sunday.” Pandering, or just smart politics? We’re trying to decide if we care.
He Only Got Tested for Black AIDS, Not Gay AIDS
While we were busy stretching our throats for Pride, PBS hosted a presidential forum on the campus of Howard University in in which Barack testified to Tavis Smiley and the assembled that while he had gotten tested for HIV, he was only tested for HIV alongside his HETEROSEXUAL wife while they were on a HETEROSEXUAL sojourn to Kenya.
He Hired an Ex-Gay Gospel Singer to Woo Southern Black Christian Voters
Last month the Obama campaign launched the Embrace the Change Southern Gospel Concert Tour headlined by ex-gay bigot and Grammy-winning gospel singer Donny McClurkin (please look for his sex scandal involving meth and a tranny prostitute to appear in news outlets by mid-2009). The gays were displeased. These red-state faux rednecks on YouTube were amused.
Did We Mentions He Fills Out a Pair of Pants Real Well
It’s totally sexist to talk about Hillary’s maternal qualities and how she’s a cold fish and probably a lesbian, and we admit it’s totally racist to talk up Barack’s sex appeal and succumb to stereotypes about black men’s sexual prowess and equipment. But we don’t think it counts if we’re just reporting on what unfunny sketch shows say.
He’s a Tyra Male
Barack went on Tyra
and they chatted about family and Kimora Lee Simmons and then Tyra
pulled out a crystal ball and they looked in it and they totally saw
the White House. He’s obviously gonna win
Below: "The Long Stroke," the cable news spoof, the candid photos, your new favorite euphemism and the great Christian retreat.
Show me an anti-gay activist and I'll show you someone who likes to fuck male hookers. Unzipped has tracked down the rabid homophobe George Reker's hooker. Is it a coincidence that the muscle twink sort of looks like Jesus?
Here's a contender for Gay Hooker Murderer Coverboy of the Year. 16-year-old Daniel Kovarbasich is accused of stabbing a 55-year-old married man to death. Evidence will include a dented pickle jar and gay porn. Also 50 stab wounds.
Darren Chiacchia, an equestrian who won an Olympic bronze medal in Athens, failed to have the "I just tested positive for HIV" talk with his boyfriend, so his boyfriend went to the police.
Dogs are not man's best friend if that man is a drugfucked circuit party homowhore who lives in Australia.