A new piece from writer Bobby Box on NewNowNext hit the internet yesterday and it sure is… something! The piece is called “These Tops Are Tired of Feeling Used for Sex” and it’s basically just 1,000+ words about how tops have feelings too. Throughout the piece Bobby talks to multiple tops who are sad about being used for their dicks. It leaves the reader with the message that there’s a human being attached to the dick that’s rearranging their guts and you should acknowledge their feelings.
The internet predictably had some feelings about this piece, so we pulled out some of the most interesting parts of the article to talk about them today. You can also read the entire article here if that’s your thing.
“I’m not the first guy fucking them that evening”
“I can understand how sometimes bottoms just feel fucked, filled, and left, but there are bottoms who just use guys for a hard cock or a load to be filled with,” Steven, a 34-year-old top, tells NewNowNext. “Sometimes you’re just one of several loads for the day.”
Venny, 31, feels similarly. “There are certain bottoms that I learn, once I slide in, that I’m not the first guy fucking them that evening,” he confesses to NewNowNext. “There’s been this change where bottoms have reclaimed ‘power,’ and now they’re out here just taking loads from tops.”
Okay, so let’s ignore that it sounds like Venny is slut-shaming someone for wanting to have sex with multiple people in one night. Instead let’s talk about how this, and many other stories in this article, sound like Grindr hookups. Why are you writing an entire article about people complaining about no intimacy during Grindr hookups? Do these tops know that most Grindr hookups are usually casual or anonymous? If you want intimacy or to not feel like you’re only being used for sex, you need to put that in your profile or use a different app! Stop looking for love in all the wrong places.
“Just give me your load so I can leave”
Venny refers to this aggressive group as “load-me-up” bottoms. “They literally don’t even want you; they want the dick and the cum,” he says. While we chat, Venny’s reminded of a particularly selfish bottom he met on Grindr and invited over. As soon as the bottom entered his apartment, he immediately dropped his pants, bent over, and exposed himself. He didn’t say a word.
Taken aback by his forwardness, Venny suggested they try missionary, a position he enjoys because it encourages intimacy. “Just give me your load so I can leave,” the bottom responded.
After Venny obliged in his bottom’s request, the man quickly dressed and was out the door. “There was no chatting,” he remembers. “It was awkward because he left so quickly.”
Did these two not talk before the bottom came over? Did Venny not get the vibe that the bottom wasn’t looking to chat? Did Venny not say what he was looking for? “What are you into/looking for” is usually the second question you ask someone on Grindr. I think the problem is that these tops don’t know how to use Grindr! Just put in your profile you’re not looking to pump and dump. Stop blaming the bottoms because they have places to be and aren’t trying to cuddle you after you shoot a load!
“Fuck your face”
When it’s beneficial, sometimes tops play into this objectification. “I had one client decide that, because he had a big cock, he would put ‘fuck your face,’ on his Grindr profile,” Kort says. “His app lit up, and he was hooking up faster and with more men than ever. Yet, over time, he started to feel bad for himself because all these men wanted was to get ‘face-fucked,’ and they weren’t interested in him at all.”
Man puts “fuck your face” in profile. Man gets mad when guys only want him to fuck their face. That’s like a Burger King employee being mad I didn’t order the fettuccine alfredo. It wasn’t on the menu! How was I supposed to know that was an option if it isn’t on the menu! Again, do these men know how Grindr works?!
Shift the focus
While most of this article is ridiculous, it does bring up a couple of good points. It recognizes the fetishization of Black men on dating apps and mentions the higher rates of ED among queer men, but this doesn’t seem like the place to talk about them. If we’re talking about tops being disrespected, then the fetishization of Black tops should probably be your main focus in the story. Don’t spend the entire article focusing on a bunch of tops who were sad because their bottom didn’t want to chat after a hookup.
Online reaction
Needless to say, Twitter was not having it with this article and the concept of sensitive tops. Take a look at some of the replies below:
— Shant | Շանթ 🇦🇲🏳️🌈 (@Karmir_Kovkas) April 28, 2020
Will somebody please think of the Tops!!!???
— Colt Neidhardt (@hastherange) April 28, 2020
alternative headline: tops incorrectly think they deserve rights again
— the f*g in question 😷 (@figuetree) April 28, 2020
yeahhh this articles a huge reach
— Tom Nooks Hole (@dietvodka1) April 29, 2020
Pathetic pic.twitter.com/8ovTuUqONg
— corpsette (@nmjnb) April 28, 2020
Did I miss the tops have feelings too dialogue?
— a writer has no byline (@MikelleStreet) April 28, 2020
What do you think of the article? Do tops deserve rights? Are the bottoms too aggressive? Sound off in the comments below.
Tops complaining about their status in gay society is like guys complaining about feminism. Give me a break. At 31 I’ve met more than a few guys who only want a piece of ass and then it’s Wham bam and thanks man.
And to think, someone actually took time to write this article. Obviously, this coronavirus thing is boring the hell out of everyone.
THIS!
Let’s face it your men if your after love , commitment, intimacy or someone to share your life with why the face are you looking for in a quick fuck on a fuck site? Tops feel used when they aren’t the first to dip their wick that night. What about bottoms who are fucked then left lying there to get their own rocks off. It works both ways. That’s what the world is filled with used after their own satisfaction. Love isn’t found by fucking around with every Tom , Dick And Harry. Try talking to the guy your fucking or fucking you before you start. Do t sit there and whimper like a little girl “I feel used and abused”. Be a man stop being a slut!
this is so stupid. i’m versatile and have felt ignored during sex by tops and bottoms. if you want intimacy, try having a conversation before sex. many tops and bottoms think they’re doing you a favor by agreeing to sex. but personally, i prefer not to have sex with an asshole (no pun intended) or a robot.
You are so on point! As a Top who’s Verse with a guy I connect with, on my profile I still just say Top and let the conversation that follows decide if when we meet I might. Lately it’s been 75% predetermined that me sharing my mangina with anyone who gets thru the initial screening will not happen. I will fuck a slut but only when I feel like being ready Top slut. I always go prepped and clean because I enjoy diverse anal play that doesn’t necessarily involve their cock out of respect as a human being. If I don’t receive complimentary respect as we converse prior and even if we meet do meet and he’s not what he agreed to be Nothing will happen between us. I post: No Quickies, long sessions only – the goal is we both leave with more than one orgasm under both our belts. It’s actually weeded out half the nuisance approaches.
I know sometimes when I’m strung out at a bath house going from sling to sling fucking bottom after bottom that a reassuring statement and glance from his swirled out eyes helps me feel validated in front of the crowd of guys who just want their turn.
Hoot! Thanks for that confession. Me too.
Doesn’t Cam know what journalism is?
With a generation that thinks snark is wit, hook-ups have no responsibilities, and this article is critic: we are doomed by the zoomerz.