August 2008

David Duchovny’s Addicted to Sex

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In a bizarre case of life imitating art, David Duchovny, who plays a sex-addicted character on Showtime’s Californication, was admitted to a rehab facility for sex addiction in real life on Thursday. His wife of eleven years Tea Leoni, of Spanglish fame (we love that movie), is apparently sticking by him.

Actually, on further inspection, it’s probably a case of art imitating life, and the TV series–which recently garnered two Emmy nominations–came out of Duchovny’s own personal experience; he serves as Executive Producer in addition to being its star.

In any event, Tea must’ve gotten tired of having to go the clinic all the time, and now poor David’s going to have to curb his sexual appetites. We recommend staring at some Adult Baby sites. Doing that generally makes us disgusted with human sexuality for a solid few weeks.

Will Smith, on Turning 40: “I’m going to be naked as much as possible”

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Well, jeepers Mr. Smith. Just when we thought you might be resolving to let the world know what we already have 100% established and confirmed about your sexuality* (after admitting that you and Jada are swingers), and just when you seemed like a likely candidate for the blind-item’d gay actor who raped his lover and paid him to keep quiet, you decide to give a serious interview with In Touch magazine in which you promise to get a lot more naked in the next couple years, before just letting your body go to shit around age 43. 

Gay Prisoners Marry For Money Say Officials

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Gay prison romance is a subject generally best left to Dateline NBC, porn films, and the Times‘ Modern Love column, but when it intersects awkwardly with the California gay marriage boom, it’s a hard subject to resist.

Listen Up, FAGGOT! SSION Goes for Credit in the Straight World

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Kansas City’s Cody Critcheloe and his band of camped-up crazies come together to form SSION, an electronic/grunge/punk music project from hell. Merging the ’80s synthpop style of Marc Almond, Yaz, and Nina Hagen with an attitude decidedly brattier, SSION is sort of like riot grrl with laptops and drum machines, only gayer. Many of the songs on this year’s Fools Gold LP are worth your iTunes dollar. In “Street Jizz”, an ode to late night cruising for the ages, Cody laments, “Gee whiz / street jizz / it feels more dirty than it really is / Late at night, in the park / we’re gonna shoot white light all through the dark.” Rumored to be working on a full-length album covering Hole’s Live Through This (more commonly referred to around Sword HQ as “the holy bible”), SSION recently leaked this preview to the web, covering Hole’s cover of the Young Marble Giants. Well, it looks like we’ve got everything covered, so you can cover your bases after the jump.

Bulgaria’s Bear Tranny Pop Star

 

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Move over Jay McCarroll, there’s a new tranny-ish bear in town. We’re crazy about Azis, the Bulgarian bear tranny pop star who was recently voted the 21st most popular Bulgarian ever (Take that Julia Kristeva!). He’s hot, he’s big and he looks like Orson Welles in 80s Madonna drag. What’s not to love?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

NY & LA Weekend Roundup: September 26 – 28

WeekendEventRoundup_A.jpg Besides being jealous of San Francisco’s Folsom Weekend, here’s what folks will be up to in NY and LA. (Sorry, Cheyenne, we still may never get to you).

Our heavily editorialized listings after the jump…

Shameless Gallery Of Hot Guys At Burning Man

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We’re skipping out on Burning Man this weekend because our fur pants are at the dry cleaners. But this won’t keep us from dreaming about getting lucky with dusty straight boys who use the annual desert gathering to get so fucked up on E that they don’t mind getting a little head by some queer (so long as he keeps that sexy pink bob wig on, brah!).

Another “Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency” Model Ends Up On Porn Site

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Tranny supermodel Claudia Charriez — who got snapped up by The Janice Dickinson Modeling Agency after she was kicked off of America’s Next Top Model for being a bio-male — has surfaced again… this time in porn! Claudia’s appearance brings the total number of JDMA cast members who’ve bared all to three. Photos have surfaced of the fierce beauty modeling under the name “Amber” on a she-male porn called ShemaleYum.

In the Face of Tranny Britney, The Hoff Questions His Sexuality

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If the tranny takeover of mainstream entertainment were not eminently clear to you yet, please take as evidence one Derrick Berry, the tranny Britney Spears who’s made it to the semi-finals of America’s Got Talent. Sharon Osbourne can’t get enough of Derrick’s routine–lip-syncing to a near-decade-old Britney hit in a school-girl uniform, which would never fly in the clubs we frequent, but wtvr–and the Hoff, still drunk from the night before, looks basically ready to rip that faggot’s clothes off and have his way with him/her. Then, apropos of nothing, he stands up to show off the embroidered phrase on the ass of his jeans: “Back Hoff.”  After the jump, the clip.

Big Tent, Wide Stance: The Dirty Delegates Hit Craigslist!

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Who said Republican politicians are the only ones trolling bathrooms for sex?  With Manhunt deserted after the McCain-Crutchley debacle, ever-horny gay delegates are flocking to Denver Craigslist
M4M — some even posting from the convention floor (!) — looking for nearby bathroom and post-speech hotel room action. And you thought the Olympics was a sex-fest! Some local Democrats are even showing their unity by offering up ass in return for tix to Obama’s big speech tonight. (Now that’s what we call a super delegate.)

Texas Man Plays the Card Trick on Closeted Republicans

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Bridge queens everywhere can rejoice: Gay Republican Hypocrite
playing cards are here! Assuming you haven’t spent your declining disposable income on a Sham Wow or crystal meth, you can now cue your bid with cards detailing the indiscretions of Larry Craig (King of Spades), page-hound Mark Foley (King of Hearts), and fifty other Republicans who
refuse to indulge in the Democratic tradition of skirt-chasing.

Convention Delegate Radar O’Reilly Outs Klinger in Denver McDonalds

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As much as we love the goings on in the Great State of Denver, the most exciting news we’ve heard out of the convention has been that cross-dressing M*A*S*H character Klinger was was based on an actual gay… and wanted to stay in the army. Obviously, he actually was mental.

Pioneering Lesbian Activist Del Martin Dies, Gavin Chokes Up at DNC

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Del Martin, one of the two elder lesbians who were first to be married by SF Mayor Gavin Newsom back in the Valentine’s Day Uprising of 2004 and again in June 2008 when the CA Supreme Court finally legalized same-sex marriage, died today at age 87.  She was admitted to UCSF Hospice care after breaking an arm two weeks ago, however the San Francisco Chronicle reports that she had been experiencing “a long period declining health.” Her wife and partner of 55 years, Phyllis Lyon, was by her side.  Ms. Martin was a co-founder of the groundbreaking lesbian rights organization The Daughters of Bilitis in 1955.

Lucas Unveils Shocking New Looks For Fall

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Never one to be shy in front of the camera, Michael Lucas has posted a whole mess of new photos of himself on his blog. They range from mild (standard shots of him looking dapper in well-tailored suits) to, well, wild (smokey-eyed and stiletto heeled). The most shocking photo, perhaps, features the squeaky clean porn czar — gasp — smoking!

Director Steve Cruz Talks About His Top Five ‘Blue Movies’

In his few short years in porn, Steve Cruz has been something of a dervish. He’s shot for almost every major studio, won numerous accolades and  launched a safer-sex awareness campaign. Earlier this month, he announced he’d be moving to Mustang to co-direct (with Lief Gobo) his first feature, Blue Movie , based on the reels of the late 70s so we asked him to name the top five classic pornos.

Kristen Chenoweth Performs a Musical Meth Intervention

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Fast on the heels of our hero Allison–who huffed so much computer duster she was “walkin on sunshine” and napping blissfully in cemeteries–comes this little musical spoof of A&E’s Intervention from the people at Funny or Die (who, incidentally, are not often *that* funny). It features Tony winner and star of TV’s Pushing Daisies, Kristen Chenoweth and a few choice rhymes like “So consider this your subpeona/ It’s time to stop doing Tina!”

Mom: “Who’s Tina?!”

Ethel Merman Does “Disco” on the Tonight Show

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If you look up “high camp” in your wik-tionary, there should only be a single album cover: The Ethel Merman Disco Album. It was released in 1979 and was pretty much immediately gobbled up by collectors who knew it was like gay gold.  Though the mannish Broadway diva recorded 14 songs for the album, only 7 tracks made it to vinyl, including this incredibly un-disco-like rendition of “Alexander’s Ragtime Band” done on the Tonight Show, which only manages to sound 70s with the addition of the barely audible wokka-wokka guitar. You’re welcome.

Heidi Montag ‘Overdoses’ But Refuses to Die

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Remember that period in early 80s where
everyone from Charo to William Shatner decideed to cash in on the (waning) disco
trend by putting out a disco album? With the exception of Ethel Merman‘s, they
were a pretty terrible lot, marred in no small part because it felt like
pandering.

Teacher Resigns After Students Finds Out He’s a PnP Vers/Top

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An Australian private school teacher has resigned after his students discovered his profile on a gay hookup site and passed it around the entire school. While logging into an educational website on an overhead projector during a class, the teacher used an odd word as a username which some clever student then typed into Google and out popped pictures of said teacher jacking his cock. He advertised himself as “40-year-old cuddly bear who is looking for fuckbuddy/friend for fun.” Though his face was not visible in the photos, he must have had some tats on his arms or something because students were readily able to identify him.

Joys of Gay Sex Lost on Montanans

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The tiny capital of Helena Montana is getting some joy out of gay sex these days, at least at the public library. Despite calls from residents who have derided it as “smut” and  “a how-to manual for young homosexuals” directors at the Helena Lewis and Clark Library decided to the book on the shelves.

Matthew Mitcham’s Gold Medal Ass

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We’ve got to admit we were secretly rooting for the Chinese divers. The American was cute, and the perfection from the hosting team did become a little redundant, but who doesn’t like an undefeated team of superhuman Eastern magicians every once in a while? Look, all we’re saying is that if it were a heterosexual Australian diver who committed this upset gold medal victory we would have been SO PISSED for our Beijing homegirls.

Hard-Hitting Photojournalism: Pics from Rentboy Pool Party

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Although the the concept of a “Rentboy Pool Party” is fairly self-evident, in case you were wondering what goes on there, well, porn fans, porn stars, and real-live rent boys converge upon a location equipped with some sort of pool … add a cash bar and some Drag Queens and voila! It’s the raciest ticket in town.

Roma Investigates Penis Restraint (NSFW)

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No, we’re not talking about controlling her voracious appetite. In this Tim and Roma quickie from the IML Leather Mart, Roma checks in with the closest thing gay men have to a chastity belt.

Talking Dirty With… the VGL Gay Boys

GC-ColeEscolaJefferySelf2.jpgCole Escola and Jeffery Self, under the moniker VGL Gay Boys, have made a small splash recently both on YouTube and Off-Broadway — we’ve enjoyed their brief sketches on gay marriage and on getting Sex and the City tickets, not to mention the one wear Cole plays Bernadette Peters. Self’s one-man show “My Life on the Craigslist” premiered earlier this year in New York. The duo are performing their live sit-com “Party ‘n’ Play” at Joe’s Pub at the Public Theater in NYC on August 31.

BDSM Couples Happier Than Boring Vanilla Couples

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Forget about tying the knot unless it’s attached to the bedpost.

Researchers at the Journal of Sexual Medicine say that couples that practice BDSM (that’s bondage and discipline and sadomasochism, for those not attending the Folsom Street Fair) are more in touch with their sexual needs, ranking lower on scales of psychological distress than their missionary position counterparts, leading researchers to conclude that they might even be happier.

Janice Dickinson Loves Gay Porn, Not Big On Bill Of Rights

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Self-described “world’s first supermodel” Janice Dickinson (screw you Gia Carangi!) supports your right to watch gay porn, but her grasp on U.S. Constitutional Law is as tenuous as, well, our understanding of pro football.

“Gay and Single Is The New Smoking,” Reports NY Times

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Oh, the humanity. Are gay singles really cancerous?

Reading the TimesModern Love column garners the same amount of schadenfreude as watching A&E’s Intervention: craggy divorce stories, against-the-odds prison romances, passionate assisted-living hook-ups and childhood lost loves all dusted with saccharine and the occasional Beatles lyric.

Madonna Compares John McCain to Hitler In Illogical, Political Video Montage

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Madonna kicked off her Sticky and Sweet Tour this weekend to swarms of screaming queens and teens at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales.  And in typically sensational, borderline retarded fashion, a video montage that played during the opening of a “Like a Prayer” remix “showed flashing images of destruction followed by pictures of Hitler, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and then Senator John McCain.”  Later in the show, a more peaceful montage featured images of Ghandi, John Lennon and, naturally, Barack Obama.

Screencap Sexpot: Ryan McPartlin

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He’s a model-turned-soap-actor-turned- prime-time-TV-star who always ends up naked, and he’s built a career on that fine, hairless torso of his. He’s more than your garden variety pretty boy, though–he has a certain bravado and swagger that you just can’t fake, which probably comes from spending so many years on camera showing off his nipples. After the jump, a gallery of screencaps from Ryan McPartlin’s career, from the soap Passions, to a Fran Drescher vehicle on the WB, to his recent, pansexual-seeming role on NBC’s Chuck and a guest spot on Swingtown.

Porn Stars Crash and Dye In Unprecedented Week of Turmoil

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Even though it was only a week, it may well go down as the industry’s anus horribilis. Car crashes, high profile divorces, firings, dye jobs: Big-time change is in the air and let’s all hope it’s a thing of the past.

Lonely Gay Computer Thinks Another Gay Sequel Too Sexy

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Brent Hartinger of AfterElton.com does not think Another Gay Sequel is as good as the first one. Mostly because of all the sex.

Normally we ignore AfterElton, since it’s already been proven that most of the site, and his column in particular, is actually written by a lonely gay computer with an Abercrombie mousepad. And normally, we can afford to because he’s busy wringing his hands about sitcoms that we’ve never seen. But when he asks for “less vomit and fecal matter and more heart,” we know that the circuitry must be misfiring.

Wolf Hudson, Poolboy (NSFW)

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It’s an old Hollywood story: Star meets big time director. Director gets pool-boy in jockstrap. I’m pretty sure this happened to James Dean, but here the scenario plays out with Wolf Hudson and Jett Blakk.

 

Poll Says Majority of Americans Would Vote In a Gay President

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A new Zogby poll conducted for the Gay & Lesbian Leadership Institute found that among 1,089 likely voters, 60% said they “strongly” or “somewhat” agreed they could support a lesbigay for President. 71% said they would support a lesbigay as cabinet-level secretary (ahem,  Condoleezza). As much as we despise polls and believe that you can get the resulting data to say whatever you want them to say (just stop polling as soon as you get the answer you want!), this falls under the category of “somewhat” compelling snooze-flashes and we’re willing to give the Zogby people the benefit of the doubt today.

Separated at Girth: Vincent Cassel Edition

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When we saw the most recent cover of Italian Vanity Fair (because, like, that’s all you can get at Sword Summer HQ on the shores of Lake Como), we had to do a double-take. Partly that was because we were tanked and one take no longer does it, and partly that was because at first we didn’t see French cinema hunk Vincent Cassel at all

Allison Huffs Stuff, Walks on Sunshine

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This episode of A&E’s ‘Intervention’ from last week, about a girl named Allison who’s loves huffing computer keyboard duster a little too much, has spawned multiple YouTube clip compilations. This one is surely our favorite, because it really hammers home both her signature line (“I’m walkin on sunshine!”) and the whole “inhalants will ruin your life” message.

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