LA-based Pretty Things shows that skewering homosexual anecedotalists only takes one camera and a good ear for annoyance. In “Feedback,” a short that screened a few months ago at Slamdance in January, Jack Plotnick and Amanda Barrett magically bring to life the mutual loathing that keeps gays and their female friends bound together.
The Vincent Hotel on the Northwest coast of England may have made the news for including sex toys in the minibar, but homosexuals are long used to getting added bonuses upon arrival. We’re not even talking about free blow jobs at the San Vicente (though we hear they’re still available), or the no-bartender-well- vodka-happy-hour at the old InnDulge in Palm Springs.
The All Worlds Resort in Palm Springs is the perfect brand extender for the porn company-the clothing is optional, the checkouts are late and they offer hundreds of porn DVDs to keep your mind occupied while waiting for the other guests to notice your ajar door and perched rump.
We have a winner! Congratulations to Dennis from Laguna Beach who successfully matched all ten of those wee little infant divas to the drag stars they became.
Anyway, for the curious, here’s the full answer key.
Erik Rhodes’ on-again-off-again love affair with porn, Marc Jacobs and GHB isn’t exactly breaking news, but things are looking up: the dreamboat is going to start practicing The Secret! For those of you still stuck on Kabballah, The Secret is the thousand-year old practice of wishing things true, distilled, packaged and resold in faux-parchment paper to misanthropes like, well, us.
While the Falcon Exclusive and Loehmann’s model hasn’t actually tackled the Rhonda Byrne self-help tome just yet, we are pleased to report that he did watch the movie last night and, if all goes as planned, “is going to watch it a couple more times.”
Ryan Seacrest tops Details Magazine’s “Mavericks List” in the April 2008 issue. According to a press release (since we haven’t read Details since the 80s), the Mavericks List showcases “22 big thinkers shaping your life,” and includes names such as Diablo Cody, DJ Mark Ronson, and the creator of Guitar Hero, prompting us to wonder who the magazine’s target audience is and why we’re supposed to be impressed by these people and, as the article begs, by Seacrest because “[although] he wasn’t the first person to think of doing a show with the Kardashians… he was able to sign them.”
Who would have thought these babes would grow up to be lovely, er, ladies? Following the success of our porn star/baby pic match-up game, we bring you this, another Friday contest. Be the first to match the baby pictures with the fabulous trannies they became (including Rupaul, NY’s Hedda Lettuce; LA’s Jackie Beat; San Francisco’s Peaches Christ, Juanita MORE! and Heklina; as well as Chicago’s Honey West and superstar porn director Chi Chi LaRue), then email us.
First correct response gets a month of free porn. Babes and babies after the jump…
Wait a minute! We thought “Beef Dip” already happened this year! It turns out that while Hugh “Jacked Up” Jackman and friends are in Sydney, Australia shooting the new film in the X-Men franchise, X-Men Origins: Wolverine, they’ve been hitting the beach (and the gym) in their downtime. First we noticed these head-turning photos of ripped hunk Hugh Jackman frolicking with his son on the beach, and now we see that co-stars Liev Schreiber and Simon Baker hit up Bondi Beach right after him like complete copycats, sporting less fur than the leading man but still looking like genuine bears for the role. Liev’s beard and love handles are especially Lazy Bear Weekend-ready.
Nickolay Petrov may be innocent until proven guilty, but CockyBoys is assuring worried consumers that it’s TOTALLY NOT milking the scandal to tell porn. Said CockyBoys rep Kyle Majors, “CockyBoys would like to wish its talented sexual performer Nickolay Petrov the best. We hope the stories circulating around this trial are untrue, and that all parties honor the standards that allow the accused a fair trial.”
Petrov was arrested in January for his alleged role in the
violent shakedown of an elderly couple in Florida. According to
police, the sexy, sexy Jet Set and CockyBoys exclusive was arrested
after attacking Galina and Grigori Komissarchuk with a hammer in the
Jacuzzi room of their Sarasota home.
The New York Times published a lengthy editorial in its Sports section yesterday about the Mean Girls-style rivalry brewing between U.S. men’s figure skating champions Johnny Weir and Evan Lysacek. “One skates with precision and adrenalized power, wants figure skating in the X Games and wears several days of stubble during competitions,” the piece reads of heterosexual Lysacek. “The other adores skating’s operatic performances, is asked if his eyelashes are real and announces that they are.” The feud has evidently grown to become a debate about the merits of masculinity over sensitivity, and ultimately, straight versus gay.
Skating announcer Mark Lund, who’s openly gay, even went so far as to broadcast his preference for the former. “I don’t think he’s representative of the community I want to be a part of,” he mused of Weir during a broadcast, evidently forgetting that he himself is a figure skating announcer. “I don’t need to see a prima ballerina on the ice,” and then issued praise for Lysacek’s masculinity.
While it would seem that there’s room enough in the rink for both competitors, we have a feeling this is all going to end in a Showgirls-style shove down a staircase and a trail of glitter-stained tears. Go Team Weir!
It’s like some kind of gay summit: Joan Rivers, for the premiere of her short-lived Late Show on Fox in 1986, had as her guests Elton John, Cher and Pee-Wee Herman. They start by doing “The Bitch is Back” around the piano and the whole audience is wearing pink and turquoise. Oh, and did we mention that Pee-Wee Fucking Herman is sitting on the couch looking really shy while Elton and Cher compare notes on designer fashions? Mind-blowing.
If you haven’t had a strange creep pull his boner out and jerk off at you on public transport, you’re not a fully mature urbanite. Unfortunately, this rite of passage hit Houston resident Centava Dozier while employing a much more rarified mode of transport, and directly in the head-while she was sleeping. Centava, 21, “filed a $200,000 lawsuit Monday against American Airlines, alleging that a passenger masturbated in the seat next to her and then ejaculated on her hair,” Fox News reports. Apparently she alerted the plane’s staff and demanded that the unwelcome jerk (pun intended! always on THESWORDâ„¢) be taken back to his proper seat and the American Airlines employees more or less did the Nelson laugh and proceeded to shell out blue corn chips and tonic water to the other passengers like nothing ever happened. Airline officials released a statement insisting, however, that appropriate actions were taken and the man was arrested when the plane landed.
The poem is called “The Platonic Blow” and is included in a new volume called The Best American Erotic Verse, and as New York Magazine puts it, it’s basically “like a Penthouse forum letter… with no women.” Auden (pictured, right, with lover Christopher Isherwood) apparently wrote it in 1948 and circulated it only among friends, but when an unauthorized publication occurred in 1965 he denied writing it. Auden was openly gay his entire life, traveling to Weimar Berlin in 1929 because it was the only place in Europe where one could be openly gay. But this poem was written in New York, on “a spring day… when the air/ Smelled like a locker room.” It’s about picking up a stranger on a stoop for an anonymous blowjob, and lest you believe that gay sex prior to the 1970s was always furtive and shameful and conducted in through a glory hole while wearing a tweed suit, this poem will prove otherwise.
The first of four annual GLAAD Media Award ceremonies was held last night in New York City, where Anderson Cooper, who was honored for his AC360 segment “The First Casualty” in the “Outstanding TV Journalism-News Segment” category, was conspicuously absent and unable to receive his honor. Could it be that he thought by not attending that people would stop vigilantly monitoring his every move until he can’t handle the pressure and screams “I’M GAY!” and assume he’s straight or just forget about hassling him altogether? Because if so, we find his neglect to accept an honor from the gay rights watchdog organization an even bigger pink flag (clearly, he was worried that had he gone he might’ve become a little too tipsy and made out with one of the boys from As The World Turns). Not only was Anderson not in attendance, but there were no awards for I ♥ New York 2, Ryan Seacrest, Erik Rhodes’ blog, or Steven Cojocaru’s Glamour Interrupted either!
The organization did, however, decide to honor Matthew Shepherd’s mother (in a clear upset) and MTV President Brian Grader, who helped bring more visibility to gays in 2007 by placing Caleb Carter on the trashy dating series Parental Control. A yawn was heard ’round the world, and we now may resume waiting all too patiently for the next installment in South Florida on April 25th when even more gay celebrities will likely neglect to arrive.
We are guilty of loving Facebook a little too much, and not just for the clean interface and the ability to constantly update our status while going through the depressingly repetitive motions of our sad gay lives. We think it’s just swell that Facebook Groups has become a new forum for the gays to meet up! and say, Hey guys I’m here and I’m queer! and let’s get together and share some pics of men piggyback riding each other!
Unfounded rumors? In the gay porn community? WE CAN’T IMAGINE. Below are a few of the bits we’ve been hearing lately…
What studio exclusive is kvetching about his current contract and not-so-quietly roamin’ around other studio heads to shop his wares? The only problem-it’s a recession and at the inflated prices he’s asking, no one’s buying.
Which former alleged child star turned adult actor turned
niche horror star has recently been trying to quiet allegations of his
alleged sitcom past because internet hawks have determined it never
happened?
R.E.M. front man Michael Stipe comes clean about his crystal clear gayness in this month’s SPIN Magazine, telling the music rag “Now I recognize that to have public figures be very open about their sexuality helps some kid somewhere out there.”
It’s like Stipe’s closet door must keep slamming shut each time he opens it. He was willing to tell the obscure American publication Time Magazine in 2001 that he was a “queer artist” who at that point had been “in a relationship with an amazing man” for three years. Three years later, following an interview in BUTT Magazine, Stipe talked about the value of the pink dollar and the terrific sex he’d had with men (and women) with totally-not-gay-magazine Instinct.
Of course, his stalkers will tell you that he’s been preaching the gospel of fluid sexuality for ages. “I’ve always felt that sexuality is a really slippery thing,” Stipe once mused, “In this day and age, it tends to get categorized and labeled, and I think labels are for food. Canned food.” Almost-out-of-the-closet-fans are fond of quoting his “I’m not homosexual, I’m not heterosexual, I’m just sexual” admission from even earlier back.
Try as the non-homo might, we suspect he’ll have to come out some more before we believe that a butch fella like him could have buttsex. We’ll break the news again next year.
When the Wall Street Journal covered the burgeoning mirdle (male girdle) industry this weekend, blowing the blouse off our collectively Spanx‘d muffin tops, we were awed if not exactly shocked: Homosexual undergarments have been offensive for years. Of course, what would we expect a mincing ladymale to wear under his embroidered Antik Denim? After the jump, the worst offenders.
Margaret Cho is no fair-weather fag hag. She’s worked at SOMA leather outfitters Stormy Leather, keeps up with the latest in merchandised bean-based feces substitutes, and got her start performing her stand-up in the Castro, crediting her rise in popularity to her gay and lesbian fan base. Appearing on Greg and Fernando’s morning talk show on Energy 92.7, Ms. Cho-My-God-No-She-Didn’t proves that she’d prefer gossiping about sex with a couple of queens over sleeping in any day.
Personally, we’re lovers not fighters. That being said, we were thrilled to learn of an organization devoted to protecting Second Amendment rights and encouraging gays to arm themselves in self-defense. The Pink Pistols recently filed a brief in a case before the Supreme Court challenging a 32-year-old ban on handguns in the District of Columbia. Citing that “more anti-gay crimes occur in the home than anywhere else,” the Pink Pistols joined 68 other organizations filing briefs in the case, most of which opposed the ban.
We have a deep appreciation for all the “perpetual bachelors” of mid-century America — some deeply closeted and some, not so much — and we understand that prior to AIDS and parades, we weren’t exactly on the suburban radar, but, uh, COME ON NOW! Today, we continue our series on the pioneering homos who our parents figured were just, you know, a little funny.
Porn stars know we live vicariously through them, so while you were busy antiquing and stocking up on toilet paper at Sam’s Club, they spent St. Patrick’s Day weekend sacrificing their sterling reputations by engaging in semi-anonymous couplings, ingesting illicit compounds and dancing all night. But you needn’t pore over their blogs-their so-called lives are all meticulously detailed in our Monday Hangover Report.
If your relationship is on shaky ground, maybe introducing Erik Rhodes into the romance as a third party might not be the best idea. Considering his violent mood swings, outspoken self-loathing, and tendency to relapse, the purported bickering between Marc Jacobs and former rentboy Jason Preston might not be healed with a heaping, bulging dose of one of Falcon’s hottest messes. This hasn’t prevented them, however, from sleeping with him. According to Gawker, Preston was seen out on the arm of our bipolar hulk icon at a gay lounge event last night, while the New York Post reported trouble in paradise for Preston and Jacobs while on their trip to Turks and Caicos (they returned to New York in separate jets!).
Wow, so, maybe Dina McGreevey wasn’t quite as innocent as she made herself out to be in her book Silent Partner: A Memoir of My Marriage. (And, also: Wow, are we still talking about the fucking McGreeveys?) One Theodore Pederson, adorable former aide to former governor Jim McGreevey, has come forward to tell the New York Post and the New Jersey Star-Ledger that he had regular threeways with the couple between 1999 and 2001 which they referred to as their “Friday Night Specials.” Sadly, and apropos of New Jersey, these trysts also involved trips to T.G.I. Fridays.
In a digital short aired this Saturday on NBC’s Saturday Night Live, Superbad star Jonah Hill surprises comedian Andy Samberg by revealing to him that he’s been dating his father after a cordial meeting and dinner with Samberg’s family. A narrative montage ensues of Hill and the 57-year-old father embracing on the waterfront, strolling hand in hand through the village, and of course, gratuitously making out. We’re not sure whether the audience is shrieking due to the shock value of a gay tongue kiss, or because the kissers in question are so terribly unattractive. However, we now realize in the wake of this and Jimmy Kimmel’s “I’m Fucking Ben Affleck” viral clip that for two straight buddies, there’s no longer any revenge like gay revenge. Of the two late night skits, we’ve got to hand it to SNL for their more sensitive and realistic portrayal of gay romance.
Our favorite twink gremlin and soon-to-be superstar Tory Mason not only shoots movies for Falcon and Buckshot, he go-go’s in clubs wearing big leather boots and he shoots the odd scene for CockyBoys.com. We find his whorish antics totally amusing and he always leaves us wanting more (really? He’s never been tied up?). If we had a choice of any porn star to start a video blog, it would be Tory, hands down. Also, we love this clip because of how awkward RC Ryan looks at the end, glancing up at the camera like, “Are we done here?”
Watch the completely NSFW preview of Tory’s scene with RC Ryan at CockyBoys.com.
It seems that yet another dirty boy on Dirty Boy Video turns out to have a real life outside the cum-soaked bedrooms of the East Village, and that life includes being an Ivy League sophomore.
Given that the internet was made for porn, gossip and social networking, we love when someone hits the trifecta as happened over the past weeks on JuicyCampus.com-a newish anonymous online campus gossip hub that’s sort of like the Page Six of the college set. A fetching twink known as Sebastian in Dirty Boy’s “Fourgy” (NSFW… he also shows up in Episode 9 of Dirty Tricks – NSFW preview clip here) was identified by a would-be Gossip Girl at Yale on February 25th, setting off a maelstrom of a commenter war in which fellow students were variously titillated and
Jett Blakk, noted porn director, homosexualist and repeated referencer of Perry Mason, is running a porn contest this weekend with a case of Valtrex as the prize. We kid — it’s a copy of his new release for Falcon, Overtime. The film buff and man-ogler has named the characters in Overtime after one of his favorite movies. The first guy that correctly identifies them wins a signed copy of the new DVD.
Porn stars, listen up. We can’t say it enough: Make more YouTube videos of yourselves. In this clip, porn twunk Wolf Hudson dances around his apartment to Rihanna’s “Please Don’t Stop the Music,” and he’s doing it all for you, people. For you. Cue Joni Mitchell’s “Real Good for Free.”
While some of our gay-web brethren concern themselves with the political implications of Eliot Spitzer’s resignation, we at The Sword are eager to get to the true heart of the matter: What kind of sex was the man paying five grand for? Near as we can tell at this stage in the investigation, the “basic” but “unsafe” services requested by Eliot Spitzer of his favorite hooker Kristen (and a number of others) was probably anal sex without a condom. Though we guessed this at the outset of the scandal, speculating further that there might have been some kinky S&M play or something more taboo involved (flip-flop with a strap-on anyone?), our suspicions have been further validated by none other than high-priced former madam Heidi Fleiss and a few others across the blog firmament.
With so many queens running around the set of Gus Van Sant’s Milk biopic about slain gay political leader Harvey Milk, one of them was bound to betray the director’s trust and leak details from the shoot in an act of desperate self-promotion. Enter Mark Martinez, aka “Flava”, stage left. Martinez, sporting a half-hard boner from her run-in with the film’s star, Sean Penn, breathlessly gushed to E!’s Planet Gossip about a scene in which he and the actor swap spit. In the film portraying legendary cross-dressing disco singer Sylvester, Martinez is prominently featured in a scene in the film based on one of Harvey’s birthday parties.
Our buddies over at QueerMeNow have started a monthly feature called a Blog Circle Jerk wherein the greatest minds of our generation at Fleshbot, Starrfucker, The Sword and a few other gay-porn- centric web concerns come together to respond to a single a question so that we, and all y’all, can compare answers for our mutual amusement. It’s like writing a theme for school in 4th grade! The first installment, which was suggested by The Sword’s own Michael Stabile: My First Porno.
Care of The Sword’s tireless editors, we bring you this roundup (by
no means complete, or even-handed) of stuff going on for those of the
homo persuasion this weekend in the two meccas we currently have
bandwidth to cover, San Francisco and New York. Check back soon to see
us cover more gay urban centers near you (sorry, Cheyenne, we may never
get to you).
Our heavily editorialized listings after the jump…
Thanks to a few well-placed handjobs and a bottle of Kahlua, we’ve weaseled our way into Grabby headquarters and stolen the list of nominees that’s scheduled to be published tomorrow. We started to tally the studio with the most noms, the movie with the most noms and the studio with the most movies and, well, wait… what were we saying? Sorry, we totally fell asleep. It doesn’t really matter since there’s enough noms here for each studio to spin, Bush-style, an edge up on the competition. By noon tomorrow, everyone will be in the lead.
Tom Judson-the retired gay porn star formerly known as Gus Mattox-has picked perhaps the worst time in history to jump on the house-flipping bandwagon. But The New York Times, who profiles Tom in today’s Home & Garden section, seems a bit more preoccupied with his former “career in entertainment” than with his dubious career move. We jest! (Gus Mattox was crowned “Performer of the Year” at the 2006 GayVNs, but he’s performer of the century in our hearts!)
By now we’ve all learned that much like spandex, high-waisted denim, and black lipstick, Photoshop is a privilege-not a right. Intended for the occasional editorial brush-up and perfect for getting rid of red-eye, dark circles, or God forbid acne, Photoshop is routinely toyed with by amateurs and misappropriated for evil. Some of these instances, such as Mariah Carey’s Beyoncified album art for her Emancipation of Mimi LP, are forgivable. Despite obvious tweaking of her body and skin tone,
New Raging Stallion exclusive Tristan Phoenix chats with The Sword in between takes on the set of Steve Cruz’s Hotter Than Hell this past weekend in San Francisco. Hailing from Napa and currently employed full time at a winery, Tristan is just the sort of power-bottom with a taste for Cabernet thick dicks who we’ve been dreaming of for years.
Raging Stallion may have been the first to announce that they were releasing a movie in Blu-ray(â„¢), but Titan Media has beaten them to the punch, announcing yesterday that their massive hit Breakers goes on sale today in the high-definition Blu-ray format. The movie, available in a special hardcore director’s edit to allow the full film to fit on the Blu-ray disc, is available on the Titan website for $69.95.
Picture it: You’re standing behind a thicket of boxwood in a public park, leathers around your ankles, your cock balls-deep in the arse of some cumdumpster with an impish smile and a yin-yang tramp stamp above his crack, and a cop walks by, shining his flashlight on you as you take another toke off that fat joint in your mouth. You wave. He smiles and walks on, looking for vagrants or folks with their dogs off-leash. This dream could soon be yours in jolly old Amsterdam, where liberal policy is the name of the game and the gays are much loved, vices and all.
Here at Sword HQ we get so inundated with all of the brutally hot XXX-hardcore action of gay pornography that even when we scrunch our eyes closed all we see are spinning patterns of huge dicks. That being said, you can’t blame us for getting at least an eensy-bit bored by all of the slobbering, pumping, humping and thrusting, and we often skip to the more hilarious B-roll of “acting” set-ups that make porn the campiest American art form. The ultimate bonus is when a porn, especially from the 80s, has an
amazing theme song