I Receive An Email

Not sure how to answer this one, you guys:

Hey Zach love the blog! I read it every day and check it back to keep up on newest soap opera of porn. Zach may I ask you to please help me solve the answer to the questions my friend have been fighting about tonight:


1. Who in porn today has the largest/longest cock? 2. Who in porn today has the fattest cock?(could be short, just real fat) 3.Who in porn today had the largest nipples?

Why do you ask?

onononon! you get the gest!


what and who has the top 10 specialities?(butt, armpits, ect..)

What does that even mean? Top 10 armpits? Those aren’t really a thing for me. Google them. I already did a list of penises, but they weren’t necessarily the biggest (though most of them were); just my favorite ones. (I also did a list of uncut ones, too.) Butts? I could do a list of those, but the problem with making lists is you have to be prepared for people to then disagree with you and point out how stupid you are for leaving ______ off the list, and I don’t feel like dealing with all of that today. Sorry.

Who in all time had the fattest and longest cock in porn?

You already asked that.

measurements and pic’s if possible with names and history please ZACK!

You spelled my name right the first time. History? Measurements? This is not an almanac, I do not have time for this! (And yet, ha ha, I have time to parse insane emails and try to answer impossible questions.)


Anyone want to help Marty, in the comments?




8 thoughts on “I Receive An Email”

  1. It’s not like anyone compiled all of these statistics into porn trading cards although that could be pretty interesting. It could be like porn pokemon.

    Riley Price uses cherry tomato. It has no effect.
    Phillip Aubrey uses dog dish. It’s super-effective.

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