Rather than analyze this article–which is in fact not an article but rather a personal essay, if not a teenage girl’s diary entry, disguised as Journalism covering the state of gay men today–here are the top 10 worst sentences from Dawn Of A New Gay, 20-something Paul Aguirre-Livingston’s (of course his last name is hyphenated) unbelievably appalling 3000+ word nightmare that was posted to Toronto’s Grid yesterday.
If you haven’t already read it (it’s been in the Stall Wall since last night), it’s here, and I encourage you to read it not just because there’s something oddly enjoyable about reading bad writing. You should read it to see an example of how not to act if you don’t want to be the most hated gay hipster on the internet. You should read it to see an example of how not to live your life as a human being in this world!
As one person in the comments wrote, “This article is the Showgirls of our time”:
10. If I had to, I would trace the beginning of the post-mo, and our true introduction as functional members of society, to the premiere of the NBC sitcom Will & Grace in 1998.
9. I didn’t own anything rainbow-coloured nor did I want to, and I stopped going to those youth meetings because, hey, I’m just a boy who likes other boys, and what else is there to say, okay?
8. Online, more and more, the words “straight acting and looking” or “masculine” have popped up in “Looking for” boxes.
7. We vacation with our boyfriends in fabulously rustic country homes that belong to our parents, who don’t mind us coming to stay as a couple.
6. Recent news stories about gay-straight alliances, a cause du jour this second wave of post-mos has taken on, are a sign that gay activism never went away at all.
5. I am a writer who happens to be gay, not the other way around.
4. From San Fran’s Castro District, gay heavyweights like Harvey Milk emerged to fight for our rights.
3. While I was making Girl Power t-shirts in computer class, I was also learning how to navigate websites to see my first penis, set up a Hotmail account and get an ICQ number.
2. We don’t march in Pride and we probably never will. (After-parties only, please.)
1. I suffer from online dating fatigue already and haven’t held a guy’s hand in almost three years.
Dear Mr. Aguirre-Livingston: Never mistake selfish self-indulgence as some new wave of homosexuality. That’s just called being an asshole. To be honest, there’s nothing wrong with the notion of a “new kind of gay,” but Dawn Of A New Gay wasn’t about a “new kind of gay.” It was just about you. Also, I’ve never seen someone try so hard (3000+ words!) to convince me of their apathy.