Sword Says

Fuck you, Juno and your Moldy Peaches sing-a-long. Porn has an anti-folk anthem of it’s own — and it’s none too soon. YouTube superstar,  drug-addict impersonator and all around good guy (according to sources who want to blow or have blown him) Wolf Hudson has composed the thought-provoking ballad, “I Wanna Tea Bag You.”  (Listen after the jump.)

We have a deep appreciation for Rock Hudson and all the other “perpetual bachelors” of mid-century America, and feel a certain kinship with the proto-homos of yore. We understand that prior to AIDS and parades, we weren’t exactly on the suburban radar, but, uh, COME ON NOW!  Some of those pioneering old schoolers look pretty fucking gay to us, through our (admittedly) contemporary lens. So today we continue to examine how the generations before us managed to believe these guys were just, you know, a little funny.

Anthony Perkins
1932-1992

He was the soft-spoken, pretty-boy star of Psycho who fucked Tab Hunter and Rock Hudson and didn’t manage to sleep with a woman until he was 39. Anthony Perkins’ story is more sad than it is funny, but we want to take a moment to marvel at what used to pass for a straight man in these parts and appreciate old Tony’s work in his closeted prime.

That’s right! Rosie’s been relegated to video blogging on her website, Rosie.com, and we can’t help being reminded of another former TV comedienne we know. This week, Rosie welcomes d-lister and contemporary gay icon Kathy Griffin into what looks like her kitchen for a segment on Kathy’s Emmy-award-winning series My Life on the D-List and basically, shit goes down like this:

Calling him “NeoCon Kingpin of gay porn,” The New Republic offers up an unusually sinewy pound of flesh this month to its readers in celebration of the gay porn mogul’s hawkish foreign policy platform. Lucas, who turned 36 on Saturday, called the piece “the best gift for my birthday,” explaining that he has subscribed to the magazine since he emigrated from Russia in 1997. “I am very proud to be featured in my absolute favorite magazine.”

Tired of raised eyebrows when you and a boyfriend ask for a single bed? A new international hotel brand, coincidentally named Attitude Hotels aims to make your visit less awkward. Launched last week and founded by Portuguese-born lawyer/marketer Pedro Castro (pictured), Attitude Hotels will not be an actual chain but rather a brand whose licenses and logo will be given to hotels which conform to the brand’s standards and prescribed gay-friendliness.

We respect all the old ‘perpetual bachelors’ and proto-homos of yore who chose to keep their proclivities private; they had their reasons and who are we to judge. But it’s the sheer amount of evidence that our mothers and grandmothers so willfully ignored that’s truly baffling.

Below, our incredibly scientific scoring system.

Under 30 points: Barely Any Smoke…
30-35: Low Burn (“That’s nonsense. He was in the army with your father.”)
35-40: Smoldering Fire (“He’s not that way … he’s too handsome.”)
40-44: Steady Blaze (“Don’t be mean. He’s just artistic.”)
45-49: High Flame (“I was too busy looking at the candelabra to notice, dear.”)
50: My Eyes! My Eyes!

We take back what we said about the glamorous life of a porn star. Life for the Falcon Exclusive isn’t always filled with runway shows, GHB and non-consensual sex: sometimes it involves straight up skank. In Erik Rhodes’ latest dispatch from the Los Angeles set of Afterparty-a sexual roman a clef in which hunky Rhodes gets fisted in one scene and enjoys “interracial” double penetration in another-the star encountered something he couldn’t stomach: a smelly model. Rhodes won’t disclose his name, and instead refers to him, with no small amount of charm and subtlety, as ‘stinky dick’:

It’s the only fetish John Waters thinks is creepy, and seriously, we’re not really all that keen on real babies.  But repeated viewings of HBO’s Real Sex and our constant need for discovering new and exciting perversions has led us to spend the week ogling adult babies. (And, no, this has nothing to do with either the porn star baby pictures or our fascination with outing the children of celebrities.) Grab your rattle (we’ll grab our coat-hangers) for a quick stroll(er) through the land of the dirty nappy.

The adult industry really does have an awards ceremony for everything-on March 22nd, at LA’s RAGE nightclub, online male escort site Rentboy.com will present the 2nd Annual International Escort Awards (“Hookies”) to honor the community’s Best in Ho. And at only $25 bucks for VIP seating, you can get up close and personal with (and maybe a ticket to ride) Diesel Washington, Barrett Long, and ’07 NakedSwordsman Jake Deckard. While winners normally take home trophies, here the trophies will take you home (or maybe just out back.)

We have a deep appreciation for Rock Hudson and all the other “perpetual bachelors” of mid-century America, and feel a certain kinship with the proto-homos of yore. We understand that prior to AIDS and parades, we weren’t exactly on the suburban radar, but, uh, COME ON NOW!  Today, our first look at the pioneering homos that our parents figured were just, you know, a little funny.

Twelve hours, twenty-thousand homosexuals, a hundred pounds of feathers, four miles of drunk tourists, three hits of E, two liver transplants and one breast of Olivia Newton John later, we’re finally done with Sydney Gay Mardi Gras, even if we’re not exactly sure what happened. As part of a SF2Oz goodwill delegation to San Francisco’s Australian sister city, we did our fair share of mingling with Sydney’s Lord Mayor Clover Moore, riling bitter wrinkle queen Kathy Griffin and assessing

We admit we were a little crabby when we landed, but after three days of
barramundi, wine and cruising, on the harbor and otherwise, we’re feeling a
little bit better about San Francisco’s sister city down under. In fact, we like it so much upside-down here, we think we might
bring something of their gay culture back to the states, and we’re not talking
about the ecstasy hidden in our wig.